


around and back

by miocean



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, dependable SungPilWoon, how to tag even, jae and bri are roommates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-07-11 11:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15971237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miocean/pseuds/miocean
Summary: He got a cute smile. Jae mused.And that’s how it all started for Park Jaehyung.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> So, here is something I had for months and I decided to post it (I will regret this later tho). Please be nice, I'm weak. Mistake are bound to be found beacause I can't english and I'm tired of re-reading over and over, and ended up changing _some_ things so I need to stop hahaha (I really tried my best, hardest best)

It had been a week since he has settled down in a place where he will start a new chapter of life, meeting new people and making new friends. He unpacked his last box full of novels when a rainbow dyed mass of hair appeared in his way. The light peering from behind the stranger, illuminating his hair, making Jae thought of the land where the fairy resides.  

Hi there, stranger. Jae mused.  

The stranger walked into Jae’s room as he smiled sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck. He mumbled a ‘hi’ to which Jae replied with a hesitant nod. He then threw his backpack and duffel bags on the empty bed before moving around to face Jae -both of them staring wordlessly at each other. Jae motioned the stranger to identify himself by blinking profusely, a thing he did when he gets confused or when he doesn’t know what to do -a habit that he can’t seem to get rid of.  

“Ah, sorry,” the hot stranger chuckled as he somewhat deciphered Jae’s action. He smiled and held out his right hand. “I’m Younghyun or Brian.”  

“Ah, okay, Brian. Park Jaehyung, or Jae. I’d prefer Jae,” Brian laughed as Jae shook his extended hand.  

“Jae,” he drawled. “It is really nice meeting you,” Brian smiled broadly. He sure is cute.  

Jae gawked at him, noticing the sharp lines of his eyes and the hair hanging just above his brows. His eyes. There was just something captivating about his eyes –they appeared to reap you into those depths of dark pools. They also reminded Jae of a red fox –beautiful and majestic. Jae blushed as he found both, himself and his new roommate apparently, staring at one another, and their hands still linking. The air suddenly felt awkward. Slowly, they released their hold on each other hands.  

Okay, that was something. Jae stared at his feet, feeling his heart beginning to beat weirdly.   

“Err, I’m going to get the remainder of my stuff,” Jae looked up and noticed him rubbing his neck again.  

“Any call for help?” trying to be polite, Jae offered. Brian just shook his head and flexing his back towards the doorway.  

“Nah, I got this,” Jae nodded and he watched Brian’s back retreating away. When he was sure Brian was out of the vicinity, he placed his hand on his heart. Sure, he is cute, but yeah. It was just that spurs at the moment kind of stuff.  

“Nothing big,” he breathed out heavily and walked to continue fixing up his novels collection on the shelf. Jae glanced at the now closed door of his -their room, hoping Brian will be taking a long time to get back.  

“It’s nothing at all.”  

Yes. He laughed at himself, feeling reassured. 

 

 ...   

 

  _a year later_

 

“Bri,” Brian hummed in reply, not bothering to spare a glance at Jae as he was too engrossed in figuring out the chords to the melody that had been playing in his head.  

“Brian,” Jae called for the latter again, this time louder, but the younger was still immersed in his world, plucking the strings and grumbling when he didn’t capture the melody that he desired. Sighing, Jae walked away from his bed and sat beside Brian in the space between their desks. “Bri.”  

He hummed again and Jae sighed again in defeat. He’ll simply have to wait for Brian to finish. He pondered as he leaned on Brian –sturdy and comfortable, and he laid his head on Brian’s shoulder. The chords were oddly soothing, he listened further as it took on a repetitive pattern, forming a melody. It was making him feel good. He closed his eyes, feeling –listening to the melodies flowing through his veins.  

This is nice. Music had always been their thing. At times, Jae or Brian will play some random chords while the other sings some lyrics that he made up there and then. Or, one of them will just play the acoustic and let music fills the room. It was their special thing. Jae snuggled closer to him, and Brian instinctively adjusted his posture to house him. They just fit, perfectly together -he had felt it when he first saw Brian and he just knew it. They fit –god, they complete each other, so naturally, without indication, as they made out each other's missing fragment.

It had been a year since they become roommates, and it had been about four months since Jae realised his infatuation with the boy. Also, four months of hiding and burying that said feelings deep inside. And right now, this was all Jae wanted -the melodies and just him –Brian.  

He loves him, Kang Younghyun, Brian Kang, but he too knew that he can’t have him.  

He can't risk to destroy this thing that they have.

 

… 

 

Jae was strolling around the park, basking in the warmth of the sunlight after a long day cooped up in his room. He decided it was enough after hours sitting on that chair, typing and bullshitting his way through the essay.  

The university lake park is a great place to unwind and just relax. It is hidden by the big, lush green trees and they might be older than him, Jae pondered, and it is void of noise. It is peaceful and forest-like as if he had been transported to another dimension the minute he stepped in there. Jae walked around until he found a great spot beside the big oak tree and went to sit under the shade.  

He can smell the grass, the soil –that earthy smell, and felt the wind blowing softly on his skin. It felt amazing. Jae continued to lie down on the grass, feeling the tension in his body go lax, as his bare skin felt that sensation –the kind that takes the stress away from you, when it brushed against the sharp but dull edges of the grass and closed his eyes. He remained still, enjoying the serenity of the instant.  

"Hey!" Jae opened his eyes when hearing the voice –him. Brian? He sat up and his eyes searched for the said individual.  

He was there, wearing a light gray T-shirt with a wide collar, showing off his collarbone. His guitar case swung on his back. He was standing on the opposite side of the lake. Jae was about to shout out for him before he could see another person approaching Brian. A lithe figure, with dark shiny long hair with a nice smile, that Jae recognized, a girl from his class.   Both of them were all smiles, they didn’t notice the presence of the blond whom was sitting at the opposite side, watching the exchange between them.  

That was when he saw it –Brian took out his cherished acoustic guitar, the one where only he possessed the privilege of touching, and handing it to her whereupon she took it with smiles, placing it on her lap while asking Brian for help. Laughing as she awkwardly tried to pull the strings –failing, and Brian guided her finger to play some easy chord. And that, Jae knew it was different this time. No more casual flings, none of it and Brian seemed serious. Jae almost heard something in him shattered. Crash.

Jae watched as Brian corrected her, helped her with the acoustic. Something that came out from a romance drama unfolded in front of him, one that will make your heart flutters. But it made him sick instead. 

Jae ran away from that park, never looking back, never bothering if Brian did notice him. He ran and just ran, without noticing where he was going, never bothering to check. He simply wanted to go away, so far off –away from the two of them. He was out of breath when he stopped, unable to run as his eyes got bleary, aimlessly watching straight ahead. It can't be true. Jae was gasping for air. His heart felt strained like something was ripping it to shreds, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of the lack of oxygen or else. Suddenly, he heard someone was calling for him, but Jae can't recognize that voice. He hoped it wasn't Brian. He hoped so hard.   Jae looked at the person calling for him, slowly, and he saw Sungjin running towards him while waving at him. Jae sighed quietly in relief.  

"Jae!" he smiled faintly as Sungjin had gotten closer. "That was fast. Are you in a rush?" 

"Huh?" Jae stared at him, confused. Sungjin was wearing a white T-shirt, the front and back were stained with perspiration. He was wearing his snapback and his gym bag strapped on his back.  

"Jae?"  

"Ah, well, hmm. I'm just going for a run and I didn't realise how fast I was going," he said, hiding the truth. Sungjin eyed him, then looking at his socked clad feet with a pair of black slide sandal.  

"Seems more to me like you are running away from something," Jae laughed awkwardly, and Sungjin eyed him. “Or someone.”  

Jae stopped laughing and looked away from him. He pursed his lips in a thin line, wetting his suddenly-felt-dry lips.  Sungjin took in Jae response and sighed silently. Jae knew that Sungjin wasn't buying his lie and he wasn't exactly dressed for the occasion either, but he thanked him as Sungjin decided to shrug it off.

“I'm going to the stadium, I'm playing today, want to come and watch?” Jae looked around, before nodding.  

“Yeah, yeah. Sure.”

 

…

 

He was watching Sungjin playing, but his mind was elsewhere. He knew he shouldn’t be affected by Brian or anyone who he dates, and he shouldn’t mind it much. It was no secret that Brian dates. He was the campus heartthrob, everyone wants him and he could have anyone he wanted. Plus, Jae never took notice of the girls Brian dated because Brian was never serious. It was also a fact that Brian Kang never stays too long in a relationship. But, why seeing them just now, Brian and that girl, hurt him so much? Jae heaved a deep sigh.

He didn’t even tell Brian about his feeling, nor did Brian knew about it. He was Brian’s friend, nothing more and nothing less. It was an unchanging fact and he was fine being his friend for so long, so why now? Why do he had to feel this kind of pain now? 

Is it because Brian let her touch his guitar? Jae sighed, ending his train of thoughts before he went crazy. He just too muddled right now, Jae bit his lower lips as his eyes wandered on the field, and then people around him shouting ‘goal’ as Sungjin’s team successfully scored a goal. He caught Sungjin looking at him from the field, who gave him a soft smile before returning to the game, running to his original position.

Jae decided not to dwell on other stuff now, especially not that fox-eyed man. He was here for Sungjin and he should be focusing on him.    


	2. two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Jae dealt with himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know where this is going. welp
> 
> p/s again, mistakes are bound to be found, i am my own beta orz (i did my best with the grammar and stuffs) so bear with it. sorry.

 

 

Jae stopped writing or scribbling. He groaned because he was getting nowhere with his essay for the last 20 minutes. His mind can’t even construct a sentence, not when his mind always wandered to _that_ one problem that he would rather not to think about now. He heard from Sungjin about Brian’s new girlfriend, the one that Brian didn’t bother on telling him, but then, Jae should have caught on something when he started asking him about that girl –Jihye.

 

He was in the same class as her. She was introduced to him because he was also in the same group as her. He really should have known better. Why would Brian ask about her if he wasn’t interested in her? Jae sighed again as he stared into the empty space, lost in his own world, dropping his pen on his messy pile of scribbled notes and papers.

 

Yesterday after the game,  and after the celebration party with Sungjin’s team, both of them then went for another drink. Because Sungjin said that they do need another drink and Jae immediately agreed. After the second bottle, without thinking, Jae blurted out her name to Sungjin. It was a reckless move but he was tipsy and the alcohol got the best of him, but thankfully Sungjin didn’t think much about Jae sudden curiosity about the said girl. Jae further told Sungjin that she is a girl in his group and he was wondering if he knows her, hoping that it will rub some suspicion off the man. Sungjin told him about Jihye, that she is Brian current girlfriend and for the first time, it was Brian who had asked her to be his girlfriend.

 

Jae raised his brow, surprised at Brian sudden out-of-character antics as Sungjin nodded in agreement. It was odd for Brian to ask someone out. That heartbreaker usually receives and accepts confession, not the other way round. Avoiding further agony, Jae stopped asking further.

 

Then, he asked Sungjin about his family and asking for another weekly session of jamming or one of their gaming night, avoiding all things Brian. He didn’t want Sungjin to catch on his current woe. Maybe he already did, because that man was too perceptive for his own good. Jae was glad that Sungjin didn’t probe further, or perhaps he will later, guessing also from his ‘dad’ personality. Only, for now, Jae was thankful that he didn’t. He sighed softly. Speak of the devil himself, Jae grunted as he saw the alleged individual, walking towards his table.

 

“Hey man,” he smiled, he looked around. “You’re alone?” He dumped his stuff on the table and went to plug his power cord at the nearest socket.

 

“I would have said no, but you had already decided for yourself,” Jae's eyes followed him, as he was moving around before walking back to the place he settled earlier. Sungjin grinned as he pulled the chair in front of Jae and sat. He plugged the other end of the cord into his laptop, powering it back on.

 

“I was sitting on the other side, but my laptop died on me. I saw you while searching for a socket,” he shrugged, flashing Jae that easy smirk. “Also, you are alone.”

 

“I’m not?” Jae narrowed his eyes, glaring at Sungjin as he laughed.

 

“To the best of my knowledge, Pillie and Dowoonie have class now, and you–” he pointed at Jae. “–Are avoiding Brian.”

 

Jae can’t retort back, and he went silent for a moment. Jae picked up his pen to continue working on his essay, pretending to write something on the paper while avoiding Sungjin omniscient stare.

 

“Why'd you asked then?”

 

“It’s fun to mess with you,” Sungjin grinned and Jae rolled his eyes in return, then they continued working on their own assignment in silence. The table was filled with the typing and scribbling sound, and the sound of papers being flipped and none of them were looking at each other.

 

“I have other friends you know,” Jae muttered under his breath suddenly, eyes still fixated on his papers.

 

He nodded. “I know.”

 

Silence, once again.

 

Jae had been reading the same sentence thrice, and it still didn’t make sense. He just can't seem to focus. This is stupid, he sighed deeply before looking at Sungjin, who was focusing on his laptop’s screen, but he can see the faint smirk on his face. That sneaky guy was demanding for an answer, nope, scratch that, he was demanding for the confirmation for whatever theories he got in his stupid head.

 

“How did you know?” Jae asked, sighing as he pulled the white flag.

 

Sungjin looked at him, flashing his all-knowing grin that Jae hated so much. Jae also knew he had just confirmed whatever theories Sungjin had inside of his big head. They were probably correct, precise even, Jae sighed.

 

“I got eyes, you dumbass,” he felt victorious as he pointed his forefinger at Jae. “Jaehyung, you aren’t that subtle you know,” Jae narrowed his eyes at him. “Well, not to me,” Sungjin smirked. Jae rolled his eyes, returning back to his notes and books.

 

“I…god, this is so stupid,” he spoke out again while still focusing on his notes.

 

Sungjin hummed while he finished typing something in his laptop. “Does Brian knows?” Jae gave him that look, one where it said ‘are you being serious right now?’ and Sungjin just snorted.

 

“Okay, wait let me rephrase that,” he eyed Jae, making the other fidgeted in his seat. “Do you plan on telling him?”

 

“What, no,” eyes wide, he yelled, getting looks from others in the library. Jae looked around and bowed his head in apologise. He gazed sharply at Sungjin before whispering. “Of course, not.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because he’ll hate me,” Sungjin rolled his eyes as he heard Jae, which got him a smack on his left arm. Sungjin stared at him, drawing a conclusion in his mind.

 

“You’re stupid, Jaehyung,” he concluded after a long pause.

 

“Okay. First of all, it’s Jae. Second, I hate you.”

 

Sungjin snorted.

 

“Okay. First of all, your name is Jaehyung. So, invalid. Second, the feeling’s mutual.”

 

“Urgh,” Jae groaned and they continued back to their work as they worked in silence until the end. After an hour, they parted ways and Jae found himself at the coffee store near his dormitory. He entered the coffee place and there he saw Brian, standing at the counter. He stopped in his track, thinking whether to go and deal with it or run away. Before he can decide, Brian had reached the decision for him, as he turned around and he saw Jae standing at the door.

 

He took a hesitant step inside.

 

“Hey.” Brian smiled at the sight of him. Only then again, Jae was too much of a coward, too much that he took a step backwards, and he was running away, leaving on a confused Brian behind. He ran back to the library.

 

 

…

 

 

He spent the whole week avoiding Brian. Jae knew it was a coward move on his part, but it was difficult seeing Brian and Jihye together. Not when in their room Jae felt that he was sharing it with both Brian and Jihye. Not when all Brian talked about was Jihye. Not when Jae can see that Brian may actually be in love with her. Eventually, he can't take it anymore. Any sane person can’t. He is a person, with feelings. How was he supposed to move on? How does that make it any easier?

 

God, he needed to put a stop to this and get back to their normal routine soon. Get the Jae and Brian duo back to normal before Brian caught whiff about his problem –his actual problem.

 

This morning Jae had been feigning sleep until he certainly knew that Brian was out for his class. He remembered Brian’s schedule for god sake, Jae sighed. And luck was on his side today when he only got classes after lunch while Brian had morning classes. It gave Jae some excuse to sleep in and not being that obvious on trying hard not to interact with Brian.

 

He looked at the time on his phone and he decided he got ample time to get up and get ready if he wanted to go to class on time and also get something in his system. As soon as he was done, Jae grabbed lunch from the nearest convenience store, opting for a simple sandwich and coffee. He walked to the student center nearby and spotted a nice table unoccupied for his taking.

 

“Jae hyuuuunnggg–” he was about to drink his coffee when Wonpil hugged him from behind, startling the elder. Jae being his clumsy-self spilled some of the drink he had been drinking on his lap.

 

“Shit,” he stood up, feeling the cold sensation slipped into some of the holes of his ripped jeans clad legs. He brushed away the traces of remaining liquid on his legs. “Jeez, Pil,” Wonpil just gave him a guilty smile –which he knew, he wasn’t, at all.

 

“I’m sorry hyung. I’m just excited to see you,” Wonpil pulled the elder down to sit. “Hyung–” Wonpil linked their arms together.

 

Jae decided to ignore both the boy, who was chattering away about his day and also the wet feeling on his thighs. He continued eating what happened to be his lunch before sighing loudly, as he gazed to the faraway.

 

“Are you eating that?” a voice snapped him out from his thoughts, voice whose owner was the cause of his current misery. Jae groaned when he thought he was successful in avoiding that man for the whole day today. God, why now?

 

“Hey, Brian-hyung,” Jae can picture the smile on Wonpil’s face as he greeted Brian. Damn, now Wonpil will notice about this, him and Brian, and then he will tell Dowoon about it. Jae frowned thinking about it.

 

“What’s wrong with him?” Brian pointed at the slumped figure of a Jae on the table. Wonpil shrugged, releasing their arms and poked Jae on his side several times. He stopped when Jae didn’t flinch or scold him as usual.

 

“Jae-hyung, you okay?” Wonpil asked with a hint of worry.

 

“Leave me alone,” Jae wailed.

 

“Jae, we haven’t talked all week,” from his tone, Jae knew Brian wanted an explanation for his behaviour. Jae had also decided that it was best to ignore Brian for now. He was in a no mood for a Brian Kang right now. Getting no response from the elder, Brian took Jae’s drink from his hand and drank it.

 

“That’s mine,” the absence of his drink from his hand made Jae frowned. He was still slumped on the table, making no effort to move. No, he doesn’t want to move and see that face of him.

 

“Come and get it then,” Brian made an aggravating slurping noise that irked the life of Jae, which was what he had intended for. Jae sat up and took back his drink back from the man who was seemingly the foundation of his established problem.

 

“Brian.” “Jae.”

 

Brian grinned at him, happy that he finally got Jae’s attention. The sudden shift of contrast in Jae’s vision made Brian had this sort of a blinding glow all around him. Jae blankly stared at him, loss at the sight of Brian’s smile. He frowned. If only Mr. Sunshine in front of him knew the inner turmoil going on inside his mind.

 

If only he knew the truth. No, no, he can’t. Jae shook his head, tossing that thought faraway.

 

“I’m leaving first,” Jae picked up his stuff, leaving without another word. He decided to leave his lunch unfinished. Also, he was leaving the other two stunned at his sudden outburst.

 

“What’s wrong with both of you?” Wonpil asked Brian accusingly after Jae abruptly left them.

 

“I–” he heard Brian sighed deeply. “–seriously, I have no idea,” Jae heard the two as he walked away. It’s getting pathetic, he sighed.

 

He _really_ needed to get his shit together.

 

 

…

 

 

Jae knew his action earlier was outrageous and he wasn’t being discreet about it, but what can he do. He was a mess, he didn’t know what he will do or says to Brian in his current unstable state and he was afraid that he will regret the thing that he will say. He didn’t want to ruin their precious friendship, and he definitely didn’t want Brian to start giving him pity stares if he knows about his crush on him. Or worse, he didn't want Brian to start avoiding him. He was this pitiful gay and Brian was this hot straight man.

 

God, he sounded so stupid now.

 

And above all of that, Jae had been pinning on him since four months ago, and he can’t just switch to all smile and congratulate him. He can’t imagine him saying ‘finally someone that could ground you. congrats man,’ to Brian, just imagining it made him frustrated. He knew it was pathetic (did he said he was pathetic again, Jae sighed) and foolish of him but it wasn’t like he could just unlike Brian. If only it was that simple. Jae sighed.

 

It was hard and complicated, and messy.

 

He groaned.

 

Today was the first class he had with her –Jihye, since the whole revelation and Jae doesn’t even know how to act around her. Should he plays dumb or something? He was thinking of skipping the lecture but then Jae remembered that attendance for the class is compulsory and Mr. Shin was going to have his head if he skipped any more lecture.

 

His breath hitched. There he was.

 

The hallway was packed with a sea of people, but Jae can always spot him, come hell or high water, come rain or shine. Brian was leaning against the wall, possibly waiting for him. Jae, please don’t get your hopes up, he berated himself mentally. Brian was wearing his all-black ensemble –his black signature leather jacket, framing his upper body immaculately, accentuated his broad shoulders. His hair returning to the original shade of black, a refreshing colour compared to his favoured bright coloured dyes. It was also longer than the length Brian generally preferred. He was also sporting a black framed rectangle shape glasses –which Jae noticed he wasn’t wearing earlier.

 

As soon as his foxy eyes caught the sight of him, Brian lighted up with a smile. Jae could almost see the twinkle in the corner of his eyes. He hesitantly walked towards him, taking small diffident steps. With each step, he took a deep breath as he took all of Brian in him, refreshing the memory in his mind.

 

“Brian?” Jae asked, uncertain if his voice faltered, divulging his supposed to be shielded emotions. “What’re you doing here?” He fiddled with his fingers, in hopes to ease the nervous feeling in his stomach.

 

“I was hoping to catch you before class,” Jae looked at him, trusting his face to maintain his neutral expression. Jae prayed silently.

 

“Ah, what’s it?”

 

“Urgh, well,” he scrunched his nose in the way Jae always found cute. He can tell that Brian was nervous. Heck, who wouldn’t be if their supposed to be best friend suddenly ghosted on them for a week. Brian sighed. “Actually, can we talk? After your class?”

 

Jae inhaled deeply, his brain raking on how to say no without being so obvious. But, you’re being obvious, dumbass. Jae shook his head, shoving the last thought away from him.

 

“I—“ “I’ll wait for you, we—” anything that came out of Brian’s mouth soon after fell on deaf ears, as Jae sank in his own daze.

 

“Jae?” Brian waved his hand in front of Jae’s face, noticing the blonde had gotten lost in his own world.

 

“Uhh, sorry?” Jae snapped, he was confused as he looked at Brian. He took a deep breath. Oh. He remembered. Brian, right now, in front of him. 

 

“Ah, Brian–” he looked at his wristwatch, pretending he was already running late. “I’m already late. Gotta go now. Sorry,” Jae gave him an apologetic smiled as he walked quickly past him, without giving an answer for Brian.

 

 

…

 

 

Jae walked back to their room, it was pitch black. No surprise there, it was already 3 AM. Most people were probably dead to the world by now, or if not they are students slaving over datelines. And there was him, hiding from his roommate, only returning to their room with hopes that the roommate took the first likelihood, which he did thankfully. He sighed in relief, as Jae closed the door slowly, careful not to make a sound and waking up Brian. That will be the worst case scenario –he didn’t want to explain what went on earlier.

 

He managed to make out of the bundle on the bed beside his in the darkness. Jae sighed as he carefully removed his glasses and opting to not change his clothes, keeping his sweater and shorts on, and his jeans discarded on the floor. He laid on the bed, his body was facing Brian’s side.

 

“Jae.”

 

The said man froze on his spot, eyeing the bundle of blanket in front of him but Brian stayed still. He was wondering if Brian was sleep-talking, but between the two of them, Jae _is_ the one with that kind of sleeping habit. Maybe he just needs some sleep, Jae decided and turned to face the ceiling, and then he pulled his blanket higher as he closed his eyes.

 

“I’m not sleeping,” fuck, Jae mentally cursed. He thought about the best course of action, whether to reply or feigning sleep. “I know you’re still awake, Jae. Please,” Brian sighed. Jae can hear the rustling sound of the bed as he felt Brian’s stare at him.

 

He heaved a deep breath. He can do this.

 

“What’s wrong?” Brian’s voice soft, asking Jae carefully, afraid that if he came too strongly, Jae will shut him out. Jae sighed heavily, and he knew Brian can hear it too. He waited for a few minutes, organising his mind before contemplating to speak.

 

“I’m sorry,” silence enveloped the room, and Jae held his breath waiting for the other to speak.

 

“For?”

 

“Everything,” he confessed softly and the room went silent again. Jae knew Brian wanted more than that lame ass kind of answer, but honestly, right now, that was all he got. Jae turned to face Brian. He can make out the lines on Brian’s face in the dark. He, again, took a deep breath. “I can’t tell you, not now,” he paused. “It’s difficult, but I promise I’ll sort it out eventually,” Jae let out a breath he was holding in and he can imagine Brian rising his brow suspiciously at him.

 

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, Bri,” he reassured the other, hoping that it was enough for now.

 

He heard Brian sighed worryingly. Jae felt a little guilty but he wasn’t sure telling Brian he was avoiding him because he got this pitiful crush on him in at this time of the night, where both of them were sleep deprived, was a good course of action.  

 

“Fine,” Brian said. “But, I just want you to know I’m here for you okay?”

 

Jae almost choked upon hearing Brian's words . “Yeah,” he murmured as he let sleep consumed him. The last thing he heard was a ‘Night, Jae’ and then nothing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it~~ leave some comments and kudos beautiful people :")


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Brian viewed things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for long wait. I had a problem with writers block and all. this is a short one.  
> This is mainly from Brian's eyes, there's not much to the story (i tried to write) but I feel like I gotta update this. ;;;w;;;  
> sorry for the mistakes that are bound to be found. i'll be back to fix these mistakes later. 
> 
> I hope you'll like it at least ><

 

 

Brian walked in the café, as Jihye trailed behind him with her hand in his. Brian looked around, before spotting Dowoon at the counter. He pulled her with him, walking toward the counter.

 

“Hey, Woonie,” he greeted the younger. Dowoon looked at him in surprise, eyes widen before glancing at the door behind him.

 

“Hey, hyung. What’re you doing here?”

 

“Coffee?” Brian laughed, shaking his head at Dowoon’s absurd inquiry. He then tilted his head, facing the girl beside him, asking for her order. Jihye then flashed a smile at Dowoon before muttering her order. “I’ll have the usual.”

 

“Okay,” Dowoon replied. His hands trembled and he was writing their orders on the cup quickly, Brian noted. He arched his brow. “I’ll call you when you—”

 

“Hey, Woonie,” Dowoon looked up to face Brian, eyes wide. “Why’re you so frazzled?” he asked the younger, eyeing him carefully. Dowoon didn’t get to answer when Brian heard a voice coming from behind Dowoon. He looked up and saw Jae—trying his best to balance the cups in his arms.

 

“Dowoon, I think we need restock on the medium cups,” Jae grumbled, he was not aware of Brian’s presence—not yet. He looked up, and Brian saw that look of surprise on Jae and then, he saw that discomfort and Brian knew he wanted to do nothing but to go and hide at the back.

 

“I’ll go and wait over there,” he weakly said, pulling his girlfriend with him to the table at the corner. Brian threw Jae a stare, giving him a slight smile before walking away. Brian took a seat facing the counter while Jihye sat on the opposite from him. Jihye talked to him about the café and trying to make small talks with Brian. Brian just smiled and nodded at her, occasionally—showing her some attention—and replying with a ‘yeah’ and ‘hmm’. He didn’t mean to be like that with her, but he can’t help it. His focus kept shifting towards the blond with the gold-rimmed glasses behind the counter.

 

He saw that smile—that he hasn’t seen in a while—adorning Jae’s face. Brian smiled at it.

 

“Brian? What’s so funny?” Jihye asked, watching his boyfriend getting distracted. She followed Brian’s line of sight and turned to look at the duo behind the counter. She sighed, before looking at Brian and waiting for him to focus his attention back to her.

 

“Uh, sorry,” Brian smiled sheepishly at her. Jihye just laughed and shook it off.

 

“Is Jae still acting weird?”

 

Brian looked at her, before nodding slowly. He sighed as he ran his eyes on Jae again before looking back at her. “I don’t know. We’d talked but that’s it.”

 

“I’m not that close with him, but I can talk to Jae if you want me to?” Jihye asked, drawling on the last sentence, her voice hesitating on the last part—afraid that if she crossed some kind of a line. Brian smiled as he looked at her. He slightly shook his head, grasping her hand in his.

 

“It’s ok—it’s not that big of a deal. We’ll sort it out soon,” he assured her. Brian squeezed her hand when she gave him this questioning look. She sighed as she let it go and talked about less problematic things with him.

 

Soon after, they heard Brian’s name being called. Brian smiled at her before standing up and walked to the counter. Brian was surprised to see Jae holding his order.

 

“Hey,” Jae greeted him, voice soft and almost inaudible.

 

“Hey,” Brian replied back as Jae looked at him, then his eyes straying from Brian as he bit his lower lips.

 

“Here’re your drinks. Have a great day,” Jae said, missing the frown on Brian's eyes as he quickly turned his focus to make the next order.

 

“Jae—” Brian called out, as he watched Jae stopped his movement, glancing at his for mere seconds. “—I’ll see you later?” he asked, voice unsure. Jae just looked at him before nodding slightly. Brian smiled, satisfied with his reply for now and took his order before walking back to his seat. At least now, Jae was not completely ignoring him. He smiled at the thought.

 

…

 

Brian looked behind him when he heard the sound of the door being opened. He pulled the earphone out from his right ear, smiling when he saw Jae entering their room.

 

“Hey,” he said a bit too excitedly. Jae nodded at him before proceeding to shed out from his outer layer and leaving his backpack on his bed. Jae paused, hands rubbing his side before he walked towards his studies. Brian watched Jae as he carefully pulled out his chair and strategically placed it facing Brian before sitting on it, hands propped on both his thighs—making the thinker stance.

 

He waited for Jae to break the deafening silence.

 

Brian tensed as Jae started to move, his eyes on him. They just looked at each other, without saying anything. Another minute passed before Jae gave him a defeated smile.

 

“Hey—” his voice small but loud, projected to Brian’s hearing range perfectly thanks to the almost silent room. “—how are you?”

 

Brian arched an eyebrow, questioning, thinking about how to answer Jae. He sighed before speaking, “you really needed to ask?”

 

Jae shrugged, bringing his eyes away from him. Brian groans as he saw Jae fiddled with his fingers, knowing that whatever he’s going to say next, he wouldn’t like it. He heard Jae sighed softly again before they locked gaze again.

 

“You don’t understand, Younghyun,” he said, defeated, with the hint of sadness. Younghyun—Brian sighed—he is using my birth name. Brian knew the real meaning behind his words. They’re roommates, best friends for a long time _.  I really don’t want to talk about this now._ That was what he meant. Usually, Brian will respect his need for time and space. He knew that probably Jae still needs more time to organise his thoughts. But he decided that it had been prolonged enough, that if he lets Jae dwelled with it any longer he is going to lose his best friend, and he doesn’t want that. He wanted Jae back, back to their old routine—their old shenanigans.

 

“Then, make me understand Jae.”

 

Jae looked at him, pursed his lips into a thin line before mockingly smiled at him. “You really don’t want to know.”

 

“Try me,” Brian quickly replied, daring him—egging him to the edge to break apart. Jae sighed, for the third time—Brian thought—as he ran his hand over his hair in frustration, letting out a sigh again before he wetted his lips using his tongue. His eyes looked sad, Brian noted.

 

“Please, Bri—” Jae said, begged. His voice sounded desperate as he looked at Brian. “Don’t make this even harder.”

 

“You’re the one that makes it harder, Jae,” Brian inched closer but still respecting the distance between them. Jae tore his eyes away from Brian, and he leaned back—wrapping himself in his thoughts. He was angry that Jae decided not to trust him. Not trusting their friendship. Does their friendship mean nothing to him? “Just talk to me, Jae,” he pleaded.

 

“Don’t.”

 

He was taken aback when Jae turned his head suddenly, looking at him. He looked hurt and Brian can’t help but wonder why. He just wanted to be his friend. He wanted to be there for Jae when he is in distress. He _is_ his friend for god sake.  He sighed. “I’m your friend, Jae.”

 

“Exactly why,” Jae snapped, his pitch rising higher. He stood up, eyes not leaving Brian. “Exactly, you’re my friend, Bri. So, please don’t push me. Trust me that I can handle my problem on my own.”

 

“I want to help you.”

 

“Please, Bribri. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”

 

“You don’t trust our friendship enough to let me help you. Or let me listen to you, Jae.”

 

“Stop, Bri. I don’t want to destroy anything that we have.”

 

“That’s stupid. You know it is,” Brian yelled, he didn’t intend to, but his body just took over. “Our friendship isn’t built around eggshells. How dare for you to think that it’s that fragile. You’re underestimating it. You’re underestimating me, Park Jaehyung.”

 

They just looked at each other, keeping their hands and lips for themselves.

 

“No, Bri,” Jae suddenly spoke, his voice sounded broken. “You’re overestimating yourself.”

 

Brian groaned, rubbed his face in exasperation before facing Jae again. “We’re walking around, in a full circle and this is getting nowhere,” Jae shifted uncomfortably in his place as Brian took a step closer. “Could you stop being stubborn and let me be there for you?” he held Jae’s right arm causing the blond to yank his hand out from his grip.

 

“Why are you so insistent?” Jae cried.

 

“Because I’m worried for you!” Brian shouted back. The just stare at each other, chests raised up and down, breathes heaving. Jae sighed as walked away. He pulled his sweater back on and grabbed his bag.

 

“Just—” he paused, looking at Brian. “If you value our friendship, Younghyun. Please, I’m asking you, leave me alone.”

 

“No,” Brian said, firm and unmoving.

 

“Brian.” “I won’t let you do this alone.”

 

“Please, don’t show that you care for me—” Jae sighed, stopping his phrase mid-sentence. Brian felt that there’s more that Jae wanted to say but he didn’t. He watched Jae pursed his lips, thinking before he sighed. “I’m going to stay at Sungjin’s tonight.”

 

“Jae, don’t run away.”

 

“Bye, Younghyun,” Jae said as he closed the door, leaving Brian alone. He just looked at the now closed door, wondering about this thought of Jae is slipping further away from him. Also, he felt this inexplicable dull ache in his heart.

 

…

 

“Brian, are you even listening?” Jihye asked, tilting her head so she can look at Brian. Brian looked at her back, trying to guess based on the scrap of information he’d remembered. He was walking Jihye to her next class and something about the assignments and her friends.

 

“Sorry, I was thinking about the project we’d been given today,” he lied, knowing what had been occupying his head right now—or who.

 

“Ah—I was just saying that Jae was acting weird like he was avoiding me. I don’t know what his problem is though,” she sighed.

 

“What’s wrong with Jae?”

 

Jihye arched her brows inquisitively. “Shouldn’t you know?”

 

“It’s just—he’s being distant.”

 

“Are you two okay?” she asked. Brian just shrugged—pulling a straight smile as they finally reached her class. Brian just left her question unanswered. “I’ll see you tonight?”

 

“Yeah, sure,” Brian said, impassively. Jihye pouted before she decided to give him a kiss on his cheek.

 

“To cheer you up,” she said as she kissed him. Brian just looked at her, shocked by the sudden kiss. In his mind, he shouldn’t be surprised by this. He should like it. He just looked at her. But now, all he thinks that what if Jae saw him and thinks that he just acting or faking with his worries for him because he is not that unperturbed by Jae’s avoidance.

 

He, unintentionally, pushed her away. Jihye widens her eyes, looking at Brian’s.

 

“I—” Brian looked at his hand—when he realised what he had done—then at his girlfriend who was in front of him. “Jihye, I’m sorry.”

 

Brian heard the girl sighed, and he knew he had messed it up. “I’m sorry too. You must have a lot on your mind,” she said before walking into her class, leaving Brian in his wake.

 

Brian sighed before walking away, heading towards nowhere. He just wanted to get away and clear his head. “What’s wrong with you, Kang?”

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I can update soon, but we'll see. Trying to get back my interest on writing, it's been so hard lately ;;;w;;;  
> please, please tell me if your thoughts on it. Even if you hate it or anything, it might get me my spirits back, no pressure there. but please.


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which things are starting to move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for everyone for your kind words. it really motivates me. I can't thank you enough :D
> 
> i tried my best to construct this chapter. so i hope it will be okay. hope you'll like it.

Jae just closed the door, without looking back because he knew if he looked back and saw Brian—looking at him, with that kind of expression on his eyes—dejection. Jae knew he will break at it. So, he just walked, without thinking, trusting that his legs will bring him anywhere but here.

 

The already dark streets were bathed in the orange-yellowy light, streetlamps igniting the dark region, with the moonlit sky accompanying him along his journey. Jae sighed as he took out his smartphone, scrolling through the list of contacts. His forefinger glided on the screen, only stopping when Jae saw Sungjin’s name on it. Jae hesitated for a while, thinking about whether to call the man or not. He just stared at the name as stopped in his tracks, hoping that somehow the phone would magically make the call for him or Sungjin would magically calls him—as Jae trying to telepathically send him the signal.

 

He sighed, knowing he was being stupid at the pointless act as he tucked his smartphone back into his pocket. Jae just continues walking aimlessly, wandering around, not caring that it was already this late and he got class in the early morning tomorrow. He stumbled upon a park before he struggled to catch his bearings, looking around to find some indication on where his feet had taken him. Jae sighed as he walked towards the park, heading towards the swing set. He took out his smartphone before sitting on the swing, and he was just looking at the unlit screen for a good few minutes.

 

Like magic, thinking that the telepathy signal worked, his phone rang. Someone was calling him.

 

_Sungjin the bob._

 

Jae pulled a weak smile, before sliding his finger across the screen, bringing the item to his ear.

 

“Jae? Where’re you?” he heard Sungjin’s voice, laced with urgency. He looked around, still trying to figure out where he was now but to no avail.

 

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “I just walked around and—I’m in a park right now.”

 

The line went silent for a while, but Jae can hear other voices in the background. He waited, rocking the swing back and forth. “Can you look at the streetlamp? And tell me the numbers,” Sungjin asked. Jae pursed his lips, reluctant to leave his position but he relented anyway. Jae looked for an address before he stated it to Sungjin.

 

“You walked there?” Sungjin asked, shocked after he knew his whereabouts. “Dammit, Jae. How long have you been walking?”

 

“Sorry,” Jae shrugged.

 

“I’ll be there soon.” “Sungjin—”

 

Jae paused, hesitating. “Emm, you’re alone right?”

 

There was a long pause before he heard Sungjin sighed. “Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

 

“Okay,” Jae said before ending the call. He looked around before walking back to his initial position.

 

 

…

 

 

Jae walked into the room, fresh from a shower, clad in Sungjin’s old t-shirt. Typical hygienic Sungjin, he thought. The t-shirt was one of the many that he planned on giving to the university’s charity club. Jae pulled the collar of the t-shirt, fixing it as the collar was a bit too big for him.

 

“Brian called me before, asking if you’re here Jae,” Sungjin eyed him as Jae sat on his bed, staying unresponsive. “I told him you’re.”

 

Jae hummed, averting his eyes from meeting Sungjin’s.

 

“I still think that you should tell him.”

 

Jae looked at him, trying to decipher if he was being serious with it. “Are you really saying that?”

 

“I do think that you might need some kind of a closure you know. It’s still going to be there if you don’t end it,” Sungjin said carefully, eyeing for Jae’s reaction—in which the man was only keeping his mouth tight.

 

“I’m trying to forget.”

 

“Jae, you know that forgetting is impossible,” Sungjin sighed. “The more you try, the more your brain is going to latch on. The more you will try and look for validation through the blurry lines. You will still keep hoping for something from Brian—you know that right?”

 

Jae sighed, his eyes seemed tired. “I just—wish that it is that easy. Not when I always think about the worst. I can’t. I don’t want to lose my best friend, Sungjin,” he said, weakly—like a man that had lost all hope, drowning in his despair.

 

Sungjin observed the blond, thinking about how to say his thoughts. How not to further put more burden on Jae. He stood up from his seat, rummaging through his food stash. Then, he tossed Jae a bottle of water, telling him to get some liquid in his system. Jae muttered his thanks before gulping down half of its content. He waited until Jae calmed down, before speaking.

 

“But Jae,” he paused, struggling to work out his thoughts, trying not to hurt the man with it, “don’t you think about what’re you doing right now is destroying the one thing that you’re trying so hard to protect?” he said, carefully studying every single movement from Jae.

 

Jae kept mum, as his focus shifted on the floor. He hoped that some sort of logical answers would come out. Then, he remembered the words from before—the one that Brian spurted out.

 

“He said I don’t put trust in our friendship,” Sungjin just stared at Jae, giving him the time to articulate his sentences. Jae snorted. “He said that I was stupid to think that our friendship is fragile. That I was underestimating him,” he looked at Sungjin, his eyes conveying how tired he was with the whole thing.

 

After a long pause, Sungjin said, “What did you say back?”

 

“I told him he was too confident in himself,” Jae sighed.

 

They were both consumed by silence. Sungjin was trying to take everything in. He was trying hard to mend the string that is on the verge of destruction—trying to be the friend that Jae needs, that Brian needs. He loves his friends and he doesn’t want their group to fall apart, messing with the perfectly crafted dynamics.

 

“It’s hard trying to move on when I can’t say why am I hurting, or I can't go telling them that they’re the reason for all of this. Everything is a mess, and it’s my entire fault. I know I shouldn’t fall for him, he is everything that I can’t have. I wish I never fall for him. I feel so stupid,” Jae suddenly confessed.

 

“Jae, I know you're feeling like you’re trying to mourn for something that wasn’t there. You feel that you are fool to feel this sad about something that never there in the first place. Don’t blame yourself, these things happens when we least expected. You need to know that you’re entitled to your feeling. You’re allowed to be sad, Jae,” Sungjin said, as he took a seat beside Jae. “But, what isn’t okay is that you’re trying to be strong by keeping them to yourself.”

 

“What more do you want me to do, Sungjin?”

 

“Talk to Brian. Tell him. I know that deep inside you know that Brian won’t do that to you. Have more faith in Brian. He might not the kindest person, but I know that he won’t do that to you,” Jae sighed, averting his eyes away from him and Sungjin knew that he can’t advise him further. Jae can stubborn like a mule when he wanted to. “We should get some sleep.”

 

Jae nodded as he got up and lay down on the makeshift bed on the floor, pulling the duvet over his long frame. Sungjin shook his head in resignation, switching off the lights before going back to bed. He tried not to focus on the rustling sounds, knowing that he won’t be the only one who won’t be getting a good night sleep.

 

 

…

 

 

“Wonpil, can I sleep here tonight?” Jae was pleading to the younger as he chugged his fourth can of beer. Wonpil frowned as he snatched the said can from him.

 

“Hey!” he protested.

 

“Finish the chicken instead,” Wonpil pointed at the food on the table. "Also, no, we no longer accepting roommate," he was signalling Dowoon to feed Jae, knowing that man well enough to know that he wanted his beer back.

 

“You are so double-faced, you snake,” Jae hissed back at Wonpil.

 

“Hyung, you know if you got too wasted, you’ll end up with a massive hangover tomorrow,” Dowoon retorted while feeding a piece of the chicken to Jae before eating one, a mouthful of chicken. “Tomorrow you got morning class, urgh,” he grimaced, as the spiciness of the chili hit him.

 

“I won’t go then,” Jae whined causing Dowoon gave him a knowing look as if saying ‘you gonna butcher your attendance and fail the class’. He smirked when Jae glared at him as Dowoon stabbed for another piece of chicken with his chopstick.

 

“Respect the hyung,” Jae yelled as he suddenly grabbed Dowoon right hand, which was the hand where Dowoon holds his chopstick, and shove the chicken into his mouth.

 

“Gah, I was saving that,” Dowoon shook Jae in frustration while yelling at him. “Dammit, it was the biggest one too. I hate you hyungie,” he grunted when Jae just smiled at the younger, feeling satisfied. The chicken had safely arrived in his tummy. The three of them were currently sitting in Dowoon and Wonpil’s room, mostly because Jae didn’t want to go back to his room. He wanted to avoid being alone with Brian.

 

“Jae-hyung, scoot over,” Wonpil looked at him, telling him to move although there was other space that he can sit. Jae scooted, making just enough space for Wonpil as he comfortably sat between Jae and Dowoon, like the clingy bitch he was before gulping down the beer he snatched from Jae earlier.

 

“That was mine," Jae said bitterly.

 

“Yes, I know. But, you already are living on alcohol and chicken these past few days," Wonpil smiled before he dropped it and looked at Jae dead in the eyes. “You had enough.”

 

“I had my reasons.”

 

“Care to share? Brian-hyung keeps asking me why you keep avoiding him. I’m running out of reasons,” Wonpil smirked.

 

“You need to tell Brian-hyung about your feelings you know,” Dowoon said as he munched another chicken. Jae groaned for the umpteenth time that day.

 

“Aren’t you two helpful?” Jae rolled his eyes. “I have Sungjin for that.”

 

“Well, aren’t you a stubborn one?” Dowoon said without thinking any further as Jae stopped eating. Wonpil rolled his eyes at the younger before turning to Jae.

 

“Hyungie, you know? I–” “I know that everything is my fault.”

 

Jae sighed before the desolate look came back to his eyes. Wonpil pursed his lips, as he shared a worried glance with Dowoon before saying, “I don’t know, hell I’m not even sure if this is, you know, a good idea. But I am sure as hell that I can’t stand seeing you wallowing around like this.”

 

Jae stared solemnly at him.

 

“I love you hyung and that’s why I’m bringing this up.” Wonpil hesitantly said, clasping their hands together.

 

Jae hummed in confusion.

 

“I really hate this idea really. It’s bad but this is the only thing I can think of.”

 

“And that is–” “What is it hyung? Lock these two problematic teens in a room together?”

 

Dowoon interupted Jae, his eyes glinted as he showed his interest in Wonpil's plan. He scooted closer to the other two, his hand hanging in the air, holding the chopsticks with a piece of chicken. Wonpil rolled his eyes at the younger ludicrous idea. “What?”

 

“You said it’s bad,” Dowoon shrugged and threw another piece of chicken inside his mouth.

 

Wonpil sighed, decided to ignore him before turning his body to face Jae. “Anyway, hyung.”

 

“What’s it?” Jae asked anxiously.

 

“Well, I read this one article—” Dowoon sighed, groaning after he heard Wonpil, interrupting the man ("Here we go again with the article," Dowoon said) and Wonpil just ‘shh’ him off. “—they said to get over someone is to firstly, love yourself,” Wonpil grinned at Jae. Jae just looked at him, furrowing his brows. He was trying to figure out what was Wonpil trying to pull now.

 

“What kind of shitty article did you read this time?" Dowoon arched his brow, throwing a skeptical stare at Wonpil.

 

“I don't follow.”

 

“Dowoonie shhhh, I'm trying to help here. Anyway hyung, there’s an exchange program during this semester break at Canada,” his grin got bigger, Jae narrowed his eyes. Is it a good idea to listen to a snake? He cowered.

 

“And you’re insinuating?” Jae hesitatingly asked.

 

“Did you wallow in self-pity that much that your brain’s cells died in the process? Geez, hyung. Uh, I didn’t get paid enough for this,” Wonpil snorted, giving the blonde a deadpanned look.

 

“I didn’t get paid either," Dowoon nonchalantly said while pulling a straight smile. Annoyed, Wonpil shoved him aside, causing Dowoon to fall on the floor.

 

“Hey,” Dowoon grunted, rubbing his sore butt.

 

“Guys,” Jae sighed, bringing back their attention to him. Wonpil huffed and took a deep breath before speaking, a bit too excitedly.

 

“Let’s get you on that program. I think a breath of fresh air is needed. You need to see and experience a world without Brian-hyung. Get up and refocus back on yourself,” he smiled.

 

“I don’t know,” Jae cowered away from the excited man. It sounded superfluous to him if it somehow didn’t already.

 

“Maybe what you need is, no Kang Younghyun aka Brian aka the whole reason for the mess around you,” Wonpil deadpanned. “And when you come back, it will already be a new semester. Who knows if what you need is actually some distance and time away. It doesn't hurt to try,” his voice sounded merry, which means Wonpil was dead set on his idea.

 

“Don’t you have to apply like, very, very early before getting accepted?” Jae asked, thinking of ways to escape from the clutch of Kim Wonpil.

 

“You think I’m that stupid?” Wonpil rolled his eyes as he clicked his tongue. He did a betrayal gasp when Jae silently agreeing to that question. “I'm hurt hyung," he sighed. "There’s an open spot. Someone backed out last minute, he got some personal troubles. My supervisor asked if I knew anyone that would be interested, short notice and all.”

 

“Jae-hyung, you should go. It will be fun,” Dowoon nodded in agreement, still munching his chicken.

 

“But–”

 

“I’m going as well, if you’re worried on going alone,” Wonpil blurted and realized what he had done. He clamped a hand on his mouth.

 

“What?” Dowoon screeched. His deep voice hitting strange, high notes—something that used to be impossible for him. “You didn’t even tell me!”

 

“Err, I forgot?” Wonpil grinned sheepishly and Dowoon sardonically smiled back at him.

 

“Guys,” Jae yelled, breaking the two apart. “Please.”

 

“So, hyung. What do you think?” Wonpil asked eagerly, hoping hard.

 

“I don’t know,” Jae shrugged, thinking about the idea again. He is already avoiding Brian like a plague, and maybe Wonpil is the right, maybe he do needs to get away, figuratively. Jae sighed.

 

“If you want to go, tell me by the end of this week. There’s still some paperwork that needs to be done,” Wonpil said carefully. It was already Tuesday, Jae thought.

 

“Really that short notice huh?” Jae sighed as Wonpil nodded at him.

 

“You should sleep on it hyung. Do what you think is best for you. We’ll support you no matter what. We got chu,” Wonpil said, as Jae was looking up at the ceiling, eyes staring into the distance.

 

Jae hummed in response. The room went quiet for a while. Jae looked at the sky across the window of the room. He didn’t even realize when the sun had completed its journey, settling down as the myriad stars begin its duty, illuminating the black firmament.

 

It was already this late.

 

His phone chimed, startling Jae from his own thoughts. He looked to see a message from Brian.

 

Where are you? –Brian

 

“I’ll think about it,” Jae said, heaving a deep breath like he was collecting the courage to make a decision. Will he face his problems head on or will he be running away from his problem? He can already imagine how Brian would react to this news if he decided to go to Canada.

 

“Hyungie,” Jae tilted his head to look at Dowoon, who was smiling at him. “You’ll be okay.”

 

Jae just looked at him, speechless for a moment as they just smile at each other.

 

“Okay,” Jae said as he stood up, throwing whatever rubbish he had produced in the bin before bidding goodbye to the two occupants. He leaned against the door as soon he closed it, sighing deeply.

 

“I can do this.”

 

He reassured himself and with that Jae walked back to his room. For the first time feeling that he will be okay.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, leave comments tell me what you like and your view. i would very much love to read it <3  
> thank you for reading this update :))


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian knows now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do hope you'll enjoy and like this chapter <3

 

 

 

Sungjin almost throw his fist when he saw someone huddled under his duvet when he walked into his room. (“It’s me, Bob,” Jae screamed. “Jae? What the fuck?” he widened his eyes, his hands dropped to his side). He had taken a deep breath, collecting his composure before facing the ‘intruder’ and he was giving him this not-so-guilty smile at him.

 

“How did you get in?” he asked, throwing his beg on the floor and settled his keys on the table. Then he pulled his chair closer to the bed before taking a seat.

 

“Your roommate,” Jae said, his eyes meeting Sungjin’s before the latter let out a huge sigh.

 

“What do you want, Jae?”

 

“Nothing—“ “The last time, you ran away from Brian and you won’t go back to your room.”

 

Jae kept his lips shut. He suddenly thought that maybe this was a bad idea. He shouldn’t be troubling Sungjin with his problems anymore—Sungjin had been advising him, listening to him but he had been so stubborn to listen back to him, or taking his advice into consideration. He must be tired with me, Jae sighed.

 

“I should go,” he said in a low voice. Before he can gather his stuff, Sungjin cleared his throat, stopping him in his track. Jae turned his head to look at him. 

 

“My advice still stands. You should talk to Brian,” Sungjin said, and Jae looked at him for a brief second before turning his gaze away. He was about to walk out from the room when Sungjin said, “but, I’m still here to listen to you.”

 

Jae looked back at him, so fast that he got a whiplash. “Urghh, sorry,” he massaged his temples. “Give me a minute,” he groanes as Sungjin waited for him, watching his every move—studying, guessing his every thought. Jae took a deep breath, closing his eyes in an attempt to gather his courage before facing Sungjin—all concerned eyes looking back at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out as the words suddenly disappeared from his mind.

 

“You did something stupid, right?” Sungjin asked, somehow figured the whole thing. His eyebrow arched and voice careful.

 

“What—“Jae widened his eyes, “—no,” he drawled as Sungjin narrowed his eyes as his confidence his Jae’s word was lessening. Damn his superhuman observation skill. 

 

“Jae, you know—“ “Yeah, you can read me like an open book. Stupid hawk.”

 

Sungjin looked at him, giving him a bored look. Jae knew his plan of distraction wasn't working. Jae sighed. “Urgh, fine. So, maybe I did, so what?”

 

“What did you do, Jae?” he asked, enunciating each syllable, his voice monotone.

 

Jae sighed, before focusing his eyes on the bed, fidgeting with the duvet. “I might have agree to Wonpil.”

 

“What?” “I’mgoingtoCanadathisbreak.”

 

“What?” Sungjin asked again, unable to catch his words.

 

Jae took a deep breath again. “I’m leaving, for Canada,” he said, voice low and soft.

 

“What?” Sungjin screeched before groaning loudly. Jae cowered in his place, while Sungjin was taking everything that he had said in. “Park Jaehyung, what the fuck?”

 

“I need time away, and maybe Piri is right. I do need to be away from him, someplace that he isn't there.”

 

Sungjin sighed again for the nth time, shaking his head, hands covering half of his face. “You’re stupid,” he said while looking straight at Jae, his eyes showing that he was disappointed in him.

 

“I know,” he said dejectedly and Jae can't help it but letting his voice cracked. “But I don’t know what to do anymore. I just can’t think clearly around him.”

 

Silence dawned on them, creating a tense atmosphere in the room. Jae felt like he was going to be sliced in half in he was ever so slightly move. Then he heard Sungjin sighed again. He grabbed Jae’s hand with both of his hand, squeezing it. “I don’t even know what’s right. What I think is good for you might be, in all actuality be bad. And you're also stubborn as hell,” he sighed. “But, if you think that this is what you want then, I won’t stop you.”

 

Jae nodded, finally smiling at him as he muttered his thanks to the bald.

 

And his smile quickly died when Sungjin asked him, “have you told Brian?” Sungjin instantly knew the answer as he sighed again. “You can’t just disappear on him, Jae. You can't do that to him. You know that, don’t you?”

 

Jae nodded. “I know.”

 

…

 

“Brian?” Jihye called, lightly waving her hand in front of Brian—hoping to regain his attention. She had been calling for him for three times, but Brian seemed to be deep into his thoughts. “Brian,” she said his name again, this time bringing her hand to cradle his cheek. She tried not to be hurt when Brian jerked away from her. It was like he didn’t want her to touch him. Nonetheless, Jihye masked it with a smile and placed her hand back on the table. “Hey,” she greeted him when their eyes met, voice soft and sweet.

 

“Shit, did I—“ “It’s ok. You seemed troubled after all.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Jihye,” Brian sighed, grasping her hand. Jihye just let her hand there—doing nothing—just letting Brian touch them. “It just, yeah.”

 

“It’s Jae again?” Jihye asked carefully, and she smiled when Brian widened his eyes, confirming her the answer that she already had in her head. She had been thinking—careful and hard. She had heard the rumours, long before they began to date. Long before, she even realised she liked Brian. _About Jae and Brian_. She knew about them, how everyone kept talking about the atmosphere the two emitted when they’re together. She knew that they also kept shoving all the speculations down ("Are you two dating?" "No." "Is he your boyfriend?" "No." "This is for your boyfriend." "No.") followed with the ‘he’s my best friend’ statement. But when she began to like Brian, she started to watch him, noticing everything about him and she also noticed that smile he only gave to Jae. And she thought that perhaps the whole 'he's my best friend' thing was all a ploy they made to fool everyone.

 

“I’m sorry,” he sighed before he gave her a guilty-ridden smile. Maybe she had noticed it all along.

 

“You want to talk about it?” she asked, eyeing him carefully, studying his every reaction. Brian pursed his lips, before shaking his head.

 

“It’s okay. I can handle it,” Brian smiled at her and she noted his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Jihye stared at her coffee, swirling with it using the straw. She thought about how Brian would always light up when he talks about Jae, how he could always spot him in the midst of the crowd. How much he would talk about him— _Jae, Jae, Jae, Jae, Jae, Jae, Jae_. It felt like she was competing with Jae. She felt that knew about Jae better than the man sitting in front of her. She continued swirling her coffee, faster as her thoughts ran wild.

 

She knew that deep inside, Brian’s heart is set on someone else.

 

How could she be so blind— _no_ , she bit her lower lips, she knew about it but she decided to turn a blind eye over that obvious truth. Did she ignore the signs with the hope that it was just a phase? That it will all be over soon and they could be a real couple, with a real relationship. Jihye sighed loudly, before looking at Brian—her eyes determined. “Brian, tell me something.”

 

Brian arched his brow, slowly nodded.

 

“If you feel sad, who will you tell first?” she asked, trying to be monotone as possible. “Who’ll be the first one on your mind to share your sadness?”

 

She watched Brian, furrowing his eyebrow as he took in her question. She knew what she was doing is something that will hurt her, but she also knew that she needed this to confirm the answer that she had known long ago. She needed this to stop living in this beautiful fantasy and finally, taking the plunge and be brave for the truth. The truth will always be a harsh reality, she thought sadly. But, Jihye also sighed softly, biting her lips, in retrospect that she also hoped that she was wrong and she wanted Brian to prove her wrong—said that she was thinking too much, that she started to be delusional.

 

She watched him as Brian seemed to figure out the answer, and his hesitation just made everything crystal clear.

 

_It’s not me._

 

Jihye sighed as she hugged herself, putting up her defences.

 

“Jihye—“ “No, stop.”

 

“I think we need some time apart," she said, after biting her lower lips hard in some kind of effort to speak her mind. She was glad it didn't bleed.

 

“What? Jihye, what’re you talking about," Brian asked, voice alarmed. He squeezed her hand. She was mad. Brian can't be this oblivious. She snatched her hand back, seeing the shock in Brian's face.

 

“Brian Kang, you know what I’m talking about.”

 

“Jihye—“

 

“Just, let’s us have this okay, Brian. I know that you’re troubled over something and I just want to give you some space to sort out your thoughts," she paused, eyes looking at her side before looking back at Brian's. "I also need time to figure things out."

 

They both just stared at each other, none of them was speaking. They just let the silence consumed them, giving them the moment to take everything in. Then, she decided that she had to go, leave before her resolve crumbled, Jihye gathered her stuff and started to head towards the door.

 

Brian grabbed her hand, stopping her from walking further. “We’re not breaking up, right?” Brian asked voice laced with fear. Jihye just smiled at him.

 

“I'll leave that to you. Just promise me, whatever that you’ll decide, it’ll be only about you and you. Not me, okay? But you,” she said, as she turned away before stopping in her track, looking back at Brian. She smiled her eyes soft as she looked at him—this may be for the last time, she thought—thinking that she had to say this to him. No matter what.

 

“Brian, I love you.”

 

And she left, without turning back, without regretting her decision. She walked, one step at a time, counting each step she took so she could stay strong for as long as she could. For him, but mainly, it was for her own sake.

 

…

 

“You are an idiot, really,” Sungjin told him, pouring another drink for the almost wasted Brian. Brian shot him a glare, trying to be as menacing as he can be in his drunken stupor.

 

“I just don't understand, she said I need time, she needs time. I don’t know what I did wrong? Where did things go wrong? And with Jae’s still like that, I can’t even talk to him and now, this,” Brian sighed and downed his shot. “This is a mess.”

 

“Did Jae tell you he’s leaving for Canada soon?”

 

“What the fuck?” Brian snapped his head toward Sungjin, eyes widen in surprise.

 

“Shit, he hasn’t told you yet,” Sungjin sighed, casting a sorry gaze at Brian before pouring him another shot. “I told him to tell you.”

 

“We haven’t really talked, or had any conversation for the past months,” Brian said bitterly before downing his shot.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Sungjin drank his soju, looking intently at him, careful. Brian arched his brow, before giving him the go-ahead. “Do you like Jae?” Slowly, he laid out the dish and both of the men stared at each other. Brian lets out a nervous laughed, running his gaze away from the older.

 

“Of course, I like him. He’s my best friend.”

 

“You can tell me anything, you know. I’ll be cool about it.” Sungjin held his hands in the air, like when people want to show they come unarmed. Brian just looked at him, confused. 

 

“I don’t—what?”

 

“Okay, firstly I know he’s your best friend and this shit he pulled is making you confused,” Brian carefully nodded as Sungjin drawled on the last word, making it sounded like a question. Sungjin looked up, like his thought was written up on the air before making his usual Park Sungjin's face. “Wait, I don't know what am I going to say anymore. I'm confused so let me ask you again. Do you love Jihye?”

 

Brian sighed. What is he even asking right now. “Hyung.”

 

“Just indulge me for a while,” he looked at Brian again, giving him that pity smile before downing another shot.

 

“I don’t like where this is going,” Brian narrowed his eyes. He studied the elder, trying to decipher his plan. Sungjin is, he grimaced upon the thought, someone who’s very observant and he might have or not caught up with the root of his problem. The insides of his mind were blaring with a warning, do not proceed with whatever this all was.

 

Sungjin poured him another shot, filling both his and Brian’s glass. “Ever wonder why all of your past relationships failed?” he asked. Brian just stared at him, mind replaying the past relationships that he had. Almost all of them didn’t last long enough. He frowned at the sudden truth.

 

“Because it just how it’s?”

 

“Spoken like a true heartbreaker. But you know that if feelings are involved, that's not the case,” Sungjin chuckle as Brian rolled his eyes. It was certainly not helping that Sungjin was talking in codes and he wasn’t in the best condition to play with him.

 

“Stop talking in cryptic,” Brian sneered at him.

 

Sungjin eyed him. “Didn’t you think it all happened because of something?” Brain looked at him, he doesn’t feel good about this. _Really bad_. Like Sungjin was definitely going somewhere with this and he didn’t know if he wanted to know, “specifically, someone?”

 

Brian opened his mouth to say something but he held his tongue before thinking about Sungjin’s words cautiously. _Someone_? “What are you implying?” he said.

 

“You know what I’m talking about,” Sungjin snorted. As he knew what was on Brian's mind now. _Jae_. Brian could hear that name in his mind. Like that day when Jihye asked him about the first person that he will share his sadness with.

 

Sungjin downed his drink –feeling that it was enough to knock sense into Brian’s head. To get Brian to start thinking on things that he had been avoiding. He left Brian to dwell with his thoughts. They finished their drink and snack in silence, with mostly with Brian pondering on his thought. “Anyway, I need to go to the toilet,” Sungjin stood up, taking his stuff with him.

 

“Be quick, hyung,” Brian said, pulling a straight smile. Brian watched the retreating figure of the elder until Sungjin disappeared from his sight. His mind wandered back to the image of the blonde—to Jae. He took out his phone and scrolled his gallery.

 

Then his eyes fell on the picture they took when they first met. He was one of the people that registered late. He still remembered how cute he found Jae was when he blinked profusely at him –Jae’s cute habit which he had come to adore. He also admitted that he likes making Jae confused, just so to see the elder’s blinking reflex.

 

He didn’t know when they started to fall out. Everything had been good between them –fun. He likes being with Jae, how pleasurable it was spending time with only the two of them. How he likes seeing Jae’s smiles. How it will light up the whole room. He remembered when he looked at Jae, all soft line and sunshine smiles.

 

He thought about why every person they met will think that they’re dating each other. He remembered that they will deny it without fail, every single time. There was a time where Brian wanted to say yes. There was also a time where Brian felt disappointed when he saw that smile and Jae denied it again, shaking his head lightly (“No, we’re friends.”).

 

 _Friends_. That’s what they’re and always will be.

 

He really doesn’t want to lose Jae, Brian thought and Sungjin’s question came into his mind again.

 

Do you like Jae?

 

Do I like Jae? _Yes_. Do I want to be his by his side forever? _Yes_. Do I only want to be his friend? _I_ — Brian stopped as he replayed the last question in his head. He looked at the picture on his smartphone. “Do I only want to be his friend?” he asked himself, voice low like a whisper as he traced Jae’s face, the soft lines and smile.

 

No.

 

He widened his eyes. No, he doesn't want to stay as friends for forever. But he can't lose him. No. He sighed as it dawned upon him that he had the answer to that question all along. He realised how stupid he is, how oblivious he was to the whole thing—to his own feelings. He was too caught up with his own train of thoughts, his own realisation, that he didn’t notice Sungjin’s presence in front of him.

 

“Kang Bra?” he called, immediately turning Brian’s attention on him.

 

“Oh, shit Sungjin. What do I do?” Brian asked him, eyes wide in horror.

 

“What?”

 

“Jae.”

 

“What about Jae?” Sungjin raised his eyebrow inquisitively.

 

“I—“ Brian paused, pursed his lips. Unsure whether it was a good idea telling him on something he had just discovered moments ago.

 

“Brian?”

 

“I like him.”

 

“What?”

 

…

 

Sungjin opened the messenger app. He touched on the group chat that he, Wonpil and Dowoon were in. He needed to tell them about the new info he gotten from Brian.

 

_So, we might have to tweak our plan a little bit._

 

He waited for the others to reply. After a few minutes, his phone dinged.

 

DOWOON: _What?_

 

WONPIL: _What’s going on?_

 

Sungjin smirked, knowing how how shocked they will be when he told them. _Brian likes Jae_.

 

WONPIL: _Omg jsjsjsjjsjjsjsjs what?_

 

DOWOON: _I knew it. Brian-hyung is just in denial._

 

Sungjin snorted when he read Dowoon’s reply. He typed back. _Not denial, he doesn’t know._

 

DOWOON: _Same thing. Psshhh._

 

WONPIL: _Omg._

 

Sungjin sighed, before remembering something. He knew those two can’t be trusted with their mouth, so he messaged them. _Just don’t alert Jae. Knowing you two._

 

DOWOON: _Hey, Piri might be but I’m not._

 

WONPIL: _I’m hurt ;;;;;;;;_

 

He read the message and looked at the time. It was already this late, he will have to halt the planning for tomorrow. Sungjin typed before turning his phone off. _Tomorrow we’ll met up and restructure._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just going to be honest, i really don't where am i going with this.  
> i just want jae to be happy soon, so i'm sorry for the maybe unrealistic development? or how the story goes? i did try to make it as nice as possible but idk. 
> 
> i'm sorry if it was bad. but thank you so much for still reading this.
> 
> as usual, leave comments on your thoughts about this chapter. i will try to do better next time ><


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which things are set in motion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll like this <3

 

 

 

Brian looked at the two cups of coffee on the table—one iced Americano and one iced hazelnut latte. He had thought about what he should say today when they see each other again. He had tried to construct the words, on what he about to say multiple times but each time he felt that it wasn't conveyed correctly enough. He looked at his wristwatch, checking the time.

 

He was here early and he still got about ten minutes left before the promised time.

 

Brian nervously drank his Americano while his eyes were glued to the café’s entrance. He was fidgeting with anything that he can find. Each passing minutes was making him more nervous, his heart beating so fast—he felt like it was going to jump out from his chest soon. He wanted to run away, forget about everything, let the time take its course and leaving it to fate, whatever is going to happen will eventually happen. But there was also a part of him that was saying not to let things left hanging for long.

 

He looked up when he heard the sound of the door being open, his eyes glancing at the door. He saw Jihye walking inside, looking around the café, searching for him. Brian abruptly stood up, bumping his tight with the table, making a sound—and Jihye turned to see him. He waved his hand awkwardly, giving the female the best smile he can muster in the awkward moment. He watched as she just nodded at him before walking towards him.

 

“Hi,” she said as she stood beside the chair in front of Brian, looking at him with a straight smile. Brian greeted her back before asking her to sit, telling Jihye that he had ordered for them in advanced and hoped that she didn't mind it. As both of them settled on their seat, Brian was left with the deafening silence between them. He knew he had to be the one to speak first—the first one to shoot the arrow. He looked at Jihye, who was sipping her latte.

 

“How are you?” Brian carefully asked, starting with the small casual talk as his voice wavered, low and unsure. He watched her as Jihye seemingly took a gulp before putting her drink back on the table before meeting her eyes with Brian’s.

 

“Let’s just cut the chase,” Jihye sighed as she briefly closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Brian, stop pitying me.”

 

“But, I—“ he stopped after he saw that judging stare from her. Brian coughed before straightening himself in his seat. “Son Jihye,” he said her name, taking a deep breath before saying, “I’m sorry but please dump me.”

 

Brian bowed his head down, staying in that position as he was afraid to see her face—her reaction. He knew that Jihye didn’t deserve this—she is a good person and he had broken her heart. It felt like forever as the silence continued to grow between them. Brian closed his eyes shut, still had his head down until he heard Jihye sighed before calling his name.

 

“Brian,” she paused, swirling her drink with the straw, her eyes not meeting him. “I told you that I’ll leave that to you—whether we’re breaking up or not. Don’t try to pity me by giving me the satisfaction of dumping you because newsflash, it won’t. Be the bad guy, let me hate on you. Don't give me the leeway to appreciate your kindness.”

 

Brian froze in his seat when Jihye looked up to see him. He figured that he should gave her the chance to dump him, as it was the least that he could do for her. He pursed his lips, studying the woman in front of him—contemplating on his next action, his next move or how should he enunciated his words. Jihye gave him a smile, he noted that for once since she stepped inside--a sincere smile. Then it hit him that she had already knew. She already figured out everything. He sighed, smiled weakly at the thought that he had been that obvious for everyone around him to see. “I—“ he decided, “—I like someone else.”

 

He looked at her, eyes determined. If this is what she wanted, then he will give it to her. _The truth_. “I like Jae. I like my best friend and I was too dumb to realise it.”

 

Jihye bit her lower lips, sighing in a mixed of resignation and acceptance, and finally, she can finally let go of this feeling she had for Brian. Finally, she can admit the things that she had already known out loud. "I know," she sighed as her eyes met Brian's. She smiled at him. The torch extinguished. "I know that, about you and Jae. Have you ever heard what people were saying, or do you even noticed how you two act around each other?" she laughed, shaking her head, "I'd noticed but yeah, I'd been too in love with you to admit it. Also, i hoped that things might have worked out for us."

 

“Ah,” Brian wetted his lips, unable to speak further. He settled with saying sorry at her. Silence dawned upon them—Jihye back to playing with her latte. “I feel that if we, you know, keep doing this, it going to hurt us both more. I'm sorry, Jihye,” he smiled sadly at her and Jihye just shook her head at him, softly saying ‘it’s okay’.

 

“It’s not good to keep holding on to something that will only hurt you,” she said.

 

Brian took a deep breath again, locking his eyes with hers before he said, "Jihye, I'm breaking up with you."

 

Jihye nodded at him, taking everything he had just said—knowing what he meant by that. This is it-- _the end_. She pursed her lips. “It was good, while it lasted—even if it wasn’t real. I should wish you all the best but I’m sorry that I can’t be the bigger person and hope that everything will be good between you and Jae,” she said before laughing. Brian can hear the slight the bitterness in it although it was shaded with faux cheerfulness.

 

Brian just smiled at her, saying nothing. They stared at each other before Brian asking her for one last hug, wanting to part on a good note—for old time sake, he said. Jihye nodded as she packed her things and both of them stood up, hugging over the table. Whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘take care’ before letting go. Jihye smiled at him one last time before heading towards the door.

 

“Jihye,” Brian called, stopping Jihye in her track with her back still facing him. “My feelings weren’t fake, at least, when we began to date,” he confessed. Brian didn’t know why but he felt like he had to say that to her, make it clear to her that what they had was real, at least in the beginning. He watched as Jihye’s silhouette disappeared from his sight before collapsing back onto his seat.

 

…

 

“Sungjinie-hyung,” Sungjin looked up from his laptop’s screen after hearing that awfully familiar high pitch voice. He saw Wonpil and Dowoon approaching him—Wonpil with his usual bright smile and big movement, just showing how extra he can be, and Dowoon rolling his eyes, trying to ignore the male beside him. They sat on the opposite side from Sungjin, before Wonpil dropping a big eco shopping bag on the table. “Whoa, did I miss a memo?” he asked, confused while eyeing the two.

 

“He is just so excited about it,” Dowoon sighed, taking out some snack from the bag before tearing it open. He offered the food to Sungjin but he declined.

 

“I feel like this is going to work,” Wonpil smiled, giggling at the thought.

 

“It scares me when you’re too confident,” Sungjin shivered, shaking his head afterwards.

 

“Don’t you dare jinx it,” Wonpil yelled, throwing a pack of nuts at Sungjin—who graciously caught the said item before muttering his thanks. He popped a handful of nuts into his mouth before turning his attention on the giggly boy in front of him. He needed to confirm something from Wonpil.

 

“Pil, you didn’t tell Jae, right?” he asked, causing Wonpil to dramatically faking his gasp of hurt at him. Sungjin rolled his eyes.

 

“I’m sad that you didn’t trust me,” Wonpil cried before sighing in exasperation after looking at Sungjin’s disbelieving expression. “Urgh, seriously? Fuck you. Of course, no.”

 

“No offence, hyung. From our past experience, it’s highly likely for you to do that. I can pull the statistics,” Dowoon laughed as Sungjin nodded in agreement with him. Dowoon quickly placed his soda on the table after sensing that Wonpil wanted to retaliate. He hit Dowoon on his arm before he grumbled his dissatisfaction at the two (“Just that one time!”).

 

“You know what Piri, I just realised that the student exchange program plan kinda defeat its purpose. I did all the work,” Sungjin said objectively.

 

“Hey, at least that act like a catalyst that makes Brian-hyung realised his feeling faster. Because he’s going to lose Jae-hyung for real. People won't realise what they have lost when they'd lost it, or in this case almost lost,” Wonpil cried in defence, looking at Dowoon for support. Dowoon stared back, pursed his lips, thinking about his case. 

 

“It’s redundant,” Dowoon monotonously shut Wonpil down.

 

“You suppose to have my back,” Wonpil protested, smacking the table with his fists. Dowoon just ignored him, shrugging his shoulders. 

 

“How’re you gonna explain to Jae that the whole student exchange program to Canada never exist in the first place?” Sungjin, ignoring Wonpil outburst, asked him as he stared at Wonpil insipidly.

 

Wonpil snorted as he narrowed his eyes. “You think I haven’t figured that out already? Please, my name is Kim Wonpil.”

 

Wonpil smiled at the two, before Sungjin and Dowoon shared a look. Sungjin arching his eyebrow in confusion. 

 

“I don’t see the correlation,” Dowoon frowned, causing Wonpil to hit him again. "Hey, this is abuse!" Dowoon yelled, scooted to the edge of the chair, getting as far as he can from Wonpil. 

 

"Ok, if you two could stop fighting and lets get back to our plan. Since now we know both of our taxing numskulls actually like each other—we need to change the plan,” Sungjin said, cutting the two continuing with their banter. Dowoon huffed before he chugged his soda. 

 

“Who likes who?” A voice asked, alerting the trio of a new presence on their table and Dowoon, who had been drinking his soda, choked after he identified the person. (“Oh, shit,” Sungjin gasped, almost throwing his laptop onto the ground. “Dowoonie,” Wonpil cried as he came to Dowoon’s rescue, lightly massaging his back as Dowoon coughed loudly, almost dying from asphyxiation caused by soda.)

 

“Woonie, are you okay?” Jae asked, grimacing at the younger suffering. Then, Jae sat beside Sungjin before looking at the trio. “Hey.”

 

“Jae, what’re you doing here?” Sungjin asked and he can’t hide the shock in his voice. His eyes wide. 

 

“Ahh, I was searching for Wonpil. I remembered he had class before, so I figure that he’ll be around here. It’s surprising to see all three of you. What’re you guys doing?” Jae smiled.

 

“Lunch?” Sungjin said, his voice was weirdly chirpy, his eyes wide and  Sungjin was smiling widely—it was peculiar, Jae thought—as he pointed at the shopping bag that Wonpil had brought with him.

 

“Okay, weird,” Jae narrowed his eyes, looking at Sungjin more keenly.

 

“You said you wanted to see me?” Wonpil said as he looked at Jae, eyes wide, quickly steering the conversation to the other direction. He hoped to get rid of any suspicions that had manifested on Jae’s mind, somehow.

 

“Yeah,” Jae nodded, before touching his nape and said, “I need to tell you about Canada.” Dowoon suddenly coughed again, loudly, shifting Jae’s attention on him. “Woon, sure you are good?”

 

Wonpil smacked the back of Dowoon’s head while laughing awkwardly. "Ha. Ha. Ha. Of course, he's okay," Wonpil assured him, tapping the younger back copiously. ("Yeah, I'm okay, hyungie," Dowoon said before pulling a straight smile.) Jae looked at them suspiciously before tilting his head to face Sungjin, who had given him a shrug. “You want to talk now?”

 

“If you don’t mind,” Jae shrugged.

 

“Ah, sure. Let’s go over there,” Wonpil pointed at the empty table under the tree, about three tables away from their current position. Jae nodded and he said his goodbye to the other two before walking away together with Wonpil.

 

“I was about to piss myself,” Sungjin groaned after he was sure Jae was out from the earshot, before he slumped over the table.

 

“I thought I’d died,” Dowoon sighed, letting out a huge exhalation of pent up breath. 

 

“Almost Dowoonie. Almost. You almost died,” Sungjin looked at him, dead in the eyes before the two grown men groaned loudly again.

 

…

 

“How do you expect me to tell him I like him when all he does is avoiding me every time he got the chance?” Brian hit the ball as he imagined all of his frustration in it. He stopped the game and looked at Sungjin, who was sitting behind him, just watching him battered all the balls away, letting out his frustration.

 

“Have you tried to confront him?”

 

“You know how he’s like hyung. Runaway is his middle name,” Brian sighed as resumed his game. He waited for the ball to come in before battering it, yelling with all of his might, loud and desperate.

 

“Ahh, you’re right,” Brian glanced at Sungjin briefly—who was trying to remember something—before focusing back at the game. He furrowed his eyebrow before staring back at Brian. “Wait, but you are still dating that Jihye girl right? From Jae’s class?”

 

Brian rolled his eyes as he shook his head and hitting yet another ball. He felt the tension and stress in him ebbed away. “We broke up,” he nonchalantly said.

 

“When?” Sungjin looked at Brian’s back, trying to gather his reaction.

 

“Last week.”

 

“Huh? Last week? It was also last week right when you realised you like Jae?” Brian nodded and he batted another ball away with a powerful swing. Sungjin pursed his lips together, watching Brian let his frustration go away like the ball. Brian let out a yell. He observed the raven-haired, trying to assess his mind. "You wanna go somewhere?” Sungjin asked after he made a mental calculation of the balls left to be battered.

 

“Where?”

 

“Somewhere,” Sungjin said taking Brian’s silence as a yes. “I’m taking that as a yes,” he grinned at Brian while the man only shrugged back as he hit the last ball, before placing the bat back to its place.

 

“I’m feeling pretty good now, so why not?” he grinned as he settled beside Sungjin.

 

“Good, because I don’t need your emo ass right now. But first you need a shower,” Sungjin said causing Brian to smell himself automatically. Brian was about to retort before Sungjin tossed his bottle—which he accepted it tactfully before gulping half its content in less than a minute. He threw Brian's bag at him, pulling the man on his feet before dragging Brian away from the batting place.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh so that's it.  
> i do hope you like it. please leave me some comments and kudos if you do. good or bad, i love to read your opinion.  
> thank you always for reading <3


	7. seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which they are going somewhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this took a while. hahaha.

 

 

 

Brian walked into his room, freshly out from the shower. He dried his hair using his towels as he walked to his table before draping it on his chair and grabbing a bottle of water. Brian plopped down on the chair, ignoring the wet feeling seeping on his back. His eyes were looking at Sungjin as he drank.

 

“So, where are you taking me?”

 

“Not for at least—“ Sungjin drawled while he checked his wristwatch, noting that it was already 1AM. “Another four hours, at least.”

 

Brian cocked his brow, before drinking the rest of the water, emptying the bottle. “We’re going where exactly?”

 

"I'd told you, somewhere," Sungjin shrugged his shoulders. Brian narrowed his eyes, looking suspiciously at Sungjin. He pursed his lips, trying to make Sungjin spilt out his plan.

 

“Okay, let me put it in another way. What’ll we be doing?” he carefully asked.

 

Sungjin laughed, laying on Brian’s bed, already comfortable with the duvet settled on his frame. He pulled it closer to his chin, wriggling his body. “You’ll know when we get there. I’ll take your bed, goodnight.”

 

Brian rolled his eyes, crushing the bottle flat, before throwing it into the basket with the big, sloppy handwritten sign plastered on it, ‘For plastic only!'. The reason why their room has a lot of trash basket was because of recycling. It was something that Jae had been adamant on doing. He remembered how he'd react to it for the first time.

 

 

 

_"This is stupid," Brian had laughed at Jae's effort, telling him that their campus had no policy on the recycling or the green earth. Jae frowned as he flopped on the bed, besides Brian._

_“That's why. We need to save the earth. Go green!” Jae cheered, yelling with full enthusiasm, pumping his fist up in the air. Then, he looked at him, grinning while batting his eyelash and making the most out of his small eyes. Jae flashed Brian his best puppy eyes and Brian surrendering as he reluctantly agreed to it._

 

He remembered when Jae, despite his intoverteness, a thing that Jae had claimed based on his results on the Myers-Briggs test, succeeded in lobbying his recycling project. One, Park Jaehyung has a _huge_ circle of loyal friends. Two, when Jae had decided to do something, he will do it, by hook or by crook. That also why Brian had found himself gotten rope in this recycling campaign with Jae, by making all of their friends recycle. Three, he was relentless. The main reason why all of their friends started recycling. His way of doing thing was efficacious.

 

It was amazing to see the fruit after their harsh campaigning labour when their dorm building had gotten the recycling bin installed. And, it felt great to do something good. For the greater good, or ‘sustainability’ as what Jae’d said.

 

From that day, Brian started to see him in a different light. Something that he thought was admiration and respect. Well, he thought he did until recently.

 

Brian always thought that Jae had the most awful penmanship. His eyes traced the chicken scratch words. Brian smiled sadly at the memory before he stared at his already occupied bed and looked at Jae's bed. He wondered if Jae will be coming back tonight. Brian sighed as he walked to switch the lamp off before deciding to plop down on Jae's bed.

 

When Jae came back, he will just have to wake him up, or he will just have to share the bed with him. Brian decided as he adjusted his body on Jae's bed. It smelt like him, his softener fragrance, Brian thought as he pulled the duvet higher, inhaling the familiar scent. The scent was calming, he noted, as it lulled him to sleep. Brian was drifting deeper into the dream world, the Sandman was doing his magic on him right now by sprinkling his sand on him. He felt his eyelids gotten heavier.

 

Brian's last thought before surrendering to sleep was that he miss Jae, so, _so_ much.

 

 

…

 

 

Brian woke up to the sound of chatters. He stirred, turning around on the bed before covering his mouth while yawning. He blinked his eyes several times, adjusting to the light in the room.

 

“What time is it?” he asked, voice hoarse and deep. He kept on blinking to regain back his focus. He titled his head to look at the direction his bed, his original bed, and he was expecting to see Sungjin’s face, fresh awake and excited to start the day.

 

“Four,” Brian opened his eyes, now fully focused on the blond, with his fluffiest hair and his sweet smile. Brian's eyes gone wide, shocked to hear the awfully familiar voice. Jae was sitting on his bed. He was staring, having his eyes on him and Brian made no effort to talk back to Jae. Jae gave him an awkward smile, pulling his lips to a straight line.

 

“Morning.”

 

Brian nodded as he stifled another yawn. He rubbed his eye before sitting up straight at the edge of his bed. Brian blinked a few time, his eyes on Jae and taking and studying the man in front of him. He was trying to decipher Jae's actions right but it was still morning. Brian Kang is not a morning person and he needed his daily dose of caffeine to start his brain.

 

“Where’s Sungjin?” he asked, the most that his brain could come up with.

 

“He went to the toilet just now,” Jae said, voice low. Brian thought that he was avoiding to meet his eyes but he kept catching the older’s staring back at him. He ignored the weird feeling that was trying to creep into his mind.

 

“Okay,” Brian said, sighing as he sat up. He rubbed his face, again, trying suppressing the yawn from coming out and failing. Brian reached for his phone on the table, unlocking it. The bright light hurt his eyes. He blinked a few times before he squinted, and looked at the time.

 

“Brian,” Brian snapped and turned to look at Jae. He saw the latter fiddled with his shirt.

 

“What?”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Silence. Their eyes never left each other. Sorry. He thought about the word that came out from Jae's lips. He had been saying, repeating that word for a while now. Brian purses his lips, as he looked something from Jae.

 

“For?” he carefully asked. Brian watched as Jae visibly struggled with himself, trying to word his words better.

 

“For, for pushing you away,” he said before silence took over again. Brian nodded, having nothing more to say to Jae. He then heard Jae sighed.

 

“I have something to tell you,” Jae said, his eyes looked determined. Like he was ready to spill his bean, baring the secret he had kept for so long.

 

Brian raised his brow. He wasn't sure how to feel right now. Not when he just woke up, or the fact that they weren't alone. Technically, they are right now but Sungjin could come into this room anytime. He really doesn't want Sungjin to witness this.

 

Because it is surely scary to think that this might be the thing that will decide how their relationship will go from here. For better or for worse. The turning point of their relationship. He took a deep breath, before staring back at Jae.

 

"Jae." "I want to say it first."

 

"Can we do this later?" Brian asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He then saw the frown forming on Jae's face.

 

“Brian.”

 

Jae was about to retort when Sungjin came in, startling the two of them. Brian rolled his eyes at him, sighing loudly. He got such impeccable timing, Brian thought.

 

“Really?” Jae groaned, looking dissatisfied at the sudden intrusion.

 

“What?” Sungjin asked, hushing as he stared at both Jae and Brian. Brian laughed at Sungjin's confused expression.

 

“I swear, you got the worst timing ever,” Jae threw Brian's pillow at him. Sungjin caught it, effortlessly. He raised his brow at Brian, demanding for an explanation.

 

Brian shrugged, leaving Sungjin alone with Jae before he went to freshen up himself.

 

 

…

 

 

"What're we doing here?" Brian asked, looking around the area. It was dark and the five of them were wearing the hiking gear. Sungjin then handed him a headband light. Brian arched his eyebrow curiously at him before taking the device. 

 

"Isn't it obvious? We're hiking the Inwangsan to catch the sunrise," Sungjin answered him, deadpan. "And you'd agreed, Kang Bra. So, shut." 

 

Brian took step back, narrowing his eyes at Sungjin as he glared at him. He held his mouth shut. 

 

"So, we'll split into two groups," Wonpil grinned, speaking too excitedly for Jae's peace of mind. Jae looked at him curiously, trying to figure out the fishy smell he had been smelling since the day he found the three of them supposedly having lunch together.

 

“Let me guess, you three,” Jae pointed at Sungjin, Dowoon and Wonpil, “and us, two?”

 

“Ah, as expected. You’re a genius, hyung,” Wonpil said, giving Jae an applause while he complimented him by saying 'amazing, fantastic'.

 

Jae rolled his eyes, mouthing silently ‘you're too obvious brat' at him. Jae looked at Brian. He was trying to read his thoughts. Brian seemed indifferenct with the idea. Jae sighed. Of course, why would he be weird about it? It was the usual line up, as always. Them, three and they, two. But, still.

 

"Are you fine with this?" Jae asked, still sceptical about this considering they hadn't clear any of their misunderstandings. He didn't want to be alone with him. He had, surely, positively, lost all of his bravado from earlier.

 

Right now, Jae didn't want to think about what had occurred in that room. Or, more importantly, what should happen if Sungjin hadn't interrupt them.

 

"Yeah, why won't I be?" Brian asked as if he knew what was on his mind.

 

“Nothing,” Jae smiled.

 

"So, we'll decide who will go first. Rock paper scissors. Winner will go first," Sungjin said.

 

“Shouldn’t the losers go first?” Brian asked. He was pessimistic at Sungjin's suggestion.

 

“My game, my rules. Shhh.” Sungjin dismissed him, telling Wonpil to start by shooing him away. “Wonpil, you go.”

 

“Ahh, right,” Wonpil nodded as he walked over to Jae. He placed his right hand to the front, getting ready for the fight.

 

“Not fair, he always lost in this game,” Jae whined.

 

“Just throw anything,” Dowoon said, clearly amused by the whole thing. Jae groaned loudly. Brian just stood still, observing Sungjin and Wonpil silently. He noticed the not-so-subtle knowing smirks and glances exchanged by the two.

 

“I swear you guys are plotting something,” Jae murmured.

 

"Where's you proof, hyungie," Dowoon taunted him. Jae clicked his tongue, glaring at the younger. Dowoon, responding to his glare, just laughed at Jae. 

 

Brian looked at Sungjin curiously, giving him a judgemental stare.

 

 

…

 

 

"What do you think they're planning?" Jae asked, stopping as he pulled at Brian's arm sleeves. Brian, reacting to him, stopped and tilted his head to look at the man behind him. Jae looked normal like he wasn't suffering or being affected by the strenuous exercise. And he, well let's just say that Brian would prefer his bed more than this kind of activity. Brian took in a deep breath of fresh air, taking his sweet time to gain back his stability. Also, his breath. He thought about Jae's questions and he recalled the looks Sungjin and Wonpil kept on sharing between them. He knew they were up to something. And, it's Wonpil they were talking about. That guy is a top-notch meddler.

 

“Obviously, something that involved the two of us,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Brian decided not to care about it. Well, whatever they planned for them better be good. He will put his trust on those three, Brian decided.

 

Jae laughed. “Obviously.”

 

“Wanna take a guess?” Brian asked, his voice sounded playful. Jae held his tongue, thinking about this. The playful air between them was coming back. He smiled at him.

 

“Sure,” Jae said before he startled by something and jumping a little bit. He saw something lurking over the trees, and then he heard an errie sound, like a scream from a distance. He didn't want to know what was that. “Shit, what the fuck,” he cried, as Jae clung closer to Brian.

 

“What's it?” Brian asked, his eyes looking worriedly at Jae. Brian noted the frighten eyes marred on Jae.

 

“I heard something after I saw something behind the trees,” Jae whispered, hiding his face on Brian's chest.

 

“Wha--” Brian tried to turn his head to look at the trees, only for Jae to hold him back. Jae was using both of his hand to cup Brian's face, holding it still.

 

"No, no, no," Jae yelled, alarmed. Clearly, he was still shaken by it, "let's just go. Okay, Bri?"

 

Brian laughed and then he held Jae's hand, squeezing them as comfort. He remembered how much of a coward Jae could be.

 

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, his voice soft.

 

“Yes, yes. Let's just get out from here. Fast,” Jae said before his eyes caught on something again. He yelled loudly and Brian was sure the other three could hear them. Jae clung to Brian's arm. Then, they both heard something. A scream. They looked at each other, Jae shaking his head at Brian. He tightened his hold on Brian's arm, hiding behind them. Brian smiled at the feeling of Jae so close, cowering and depending on him to make him feel safe. He stroked Jae’s hair softly. Brian could feel Jae’s muscles relaxed by a little bit.

 

“I hate this place,” Jae said in a small voice.

 

"We'll be fine. I'm here, I won't let anything happen to you," Brian said, smiling reassuringly at Jae. Jae smiled back at him. Brian could feel his heart drop at the sight. They unaware of how close they were. Their nose was almost touching, a hairbreadth away from meeting each other.

 

"Uh, sorry," Brian said, putting some distance between them. He pulled his head back. Jae ran his gaze away from Brian's. He looked at the far distance.

 

Silence came by and accompanied them. They walked through the trail with each other close. 

 

“I miss you.” Jae suddenly said after a while and they stared at each other. Brian looking for something in Jae’s eyes. But the darkness was obstructing him. “I’m sorry for everything, for being stupid and pushing you away and,” Jae paused, biting his lips. “I’m okay now.”

 

“Why won't you talk about it with me?”

 

“Can we not talk about that now?”

 

“Jae.”

 

Jae sighed. “How’s Jihye?”

 

Brian thought that maybe he should tell him about Jihye. He didn't know why but he had an inkling that he should tell Jae about it. His breakup. He pursed his lips.

 

“We broke up,” he said.

 

“Oh,” that was all Jae said. His eyes were on Brian, studying for his reaction.

 

“Yeah,” Brian nodded.

 

They walked in silence. Jae linking their hands together, and it was his turn to squeeze Brian's hand as comfort. Jae rubbed circle on Brian's hand.

 

“When?” Jae asked after a while.

 

“Last week.”

 

“I’m sorry for being a shitty friend while you’re having a shitty time,” Jae said.

 

Brian chuckled when he heard him. If only he knew the cause for their breakup. Really. But, it wasn't Jae's fault or his or Jihye. Definitely not Jihye. He thought. Sometimes, we don't even know what our heart really wants. Sometimes, it takes pain and being mean to someone to understand our heart. And, sometimes it was because life never is and never will be an easy path. Brian shook his head.

 

He was still sorry for all the pain he had caused Jihye. But she was right, holding on will only cause them more pain.

 

"Nah, I was the asshole who breaks it off with her," he admitted, pulling a straight smile. Jae studied him, thinking about his words.

 

“But why? I thought you really like her.”

 

“I did. But, I guess things happened,” he shrugged it off, not bothering to explain himself further. Then Brian stopped on his track causing Jae bumped into him. Brian laughed as he held Jae straight. He looked at Jae in the eyes. “We’re almost there.”

 

Jae sighed. They continued walking to the top in silence. And it was as if the heaven was cheering on them, they arrived at the spot just as the sun begins to rise.

 

"Whoa," Jae marveled at its beauty, awestruck. The dark firmament suddenly became brighter and more colourful. An explosion of blue, orange and red painted the sky. Jae watched as the glowing sphere from the horizon began its ascent up to the sky. The sun began to illuminate every crevice of the earth.

 

“Agreed,” Brian said, and Jae turned to look at him. He was ensnared by the sight of Brian who was bathed under the sun's soft rays. The rising sun and Brian. Brian then looked at him, smiling. The soft orange rays made Brian looked so breathtakingly beautiful. Jae was mesmerised.

 

He really likes this guy, Jae realised.

 

“I like you.”

 

Brian widened his eyes, and Jae lets out a shocking gasp. He had just said that. Jae didn’t mean to say it out loud. Not right now at least. Jae took a step away from Brian. Silence came between them. Before any of them could address it further, they heard the trio coming towards them.

 

“Dammit, we'd miss it.” Dowoon groaned.

 

"You make us miss the sunrise," Sungjin yelled at Wonpil.

 

“Not my fault, you gave me the maps knowing perfectly well about my sense of direction," Wonpil cried in protest.

 

“We’d come here lots of time, Wonpil. And you keep screaming at everything," Sungjin retorted, narrowing his eyes at Wonpil.

 

"It was during daylight, with the sun above our head. And I can see the trees, as in not that kind of trees that looked like a monster that gonna kills you," Wonpil yelled back at Sungjin.

 

"That's stupid," Sungjin snorted. 

 

"That's your fault for making me watch The Wailing yesterday!" Wonpil glared at him, unhappy with how things were going. 

 

"Guys, please." Dowoon sighed before he noticed the two. Jae and Brian were staring awkwardly at the two bickering. "Oh, hey hyungie," Dowoon ignoring the other two, grinned at them.

 

Jae and Brian looked at each other. They were acting like that sudden confession from Jae didn't happen. They acted nonchalant with each other. Both thought that it was better to not let the three know about it.

 

But, in Brian's mind, he was shocked, happy, and euphoric. Thousand, millions of feeling surged through him that he can't quite describe. He couldn’t wait to tell Jae about his feeling, reciprocating to his and then kissing him senseless. Yes, he was giddy for the future.

 

Jae, on the other hand, was terrified and miserable. He berated himself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He felt his world ending, crumbling down to his feet. Especially when Brian seemed to be so blasé about it. He was so screwed.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, comments are appreciate, lemme know your thoughts. kudo if you like this.
> 
> and for the 2019, i made a cc hehehe. drop me something there <3  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/miocean)


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _how long did it takes us to get here?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yihhhh, i can't believe we're here already. hope you'll like this one. enjoy.

 

 

 

_Wonpil stared at the man sitting in front of him, trying come to some reasoning behind Jae's decision. He pursed his lips before he leaned closer to Jae._

_“I just thought that--” Jae sighed, turning his head slightly. He looked over his shoulder as he stared at Sungjin who was chatting with Dowoon at two tables behind them. Then, he shifted his focus back to Wonpil. “--I thought a lot about what Sungjin had said...yeah, sure at first I thought the thing that you insinuate was great…at first, maybe I do need to get away from Brian, to let things go...but.”_

_Wonpil stared at him, keeping mum while he was giving Jae time to collect his thoughts. Jae gave him a straight smile, fidgeting with his fingers before letting out a huge sigh._

_“It just...I don’t know, Pil. Sungjin’s words just keep on ringing inside my head, and I just thought that maybe he is right,” Jae looked at him sadly._

_“He is the wise one,” Wonpil joke. He tried to lighten the heavy atmosphere. It seemed to be working when Jae laughed, the joy returning to his eyes. Wonpil beamed, satisfied at his job well done._

_“He is,” Jae nodded, sighing happily. He stared at Wonpil, eyes forming a crescent. “But, don’t tell him I said that.”_

_Wonpil chuckled as he nodded back, zipping his mouth as in signifying his word. “So, you aren’t going to Canada?”_

_Jae hummed as he pouted his lips. He acted like he was considering his decision again. Jae grinned as he shook his head, "Hmm, nope."_

_“Nope?” Wonpil asked again, smiling widely. His voice sounded like he was teasing the blond._

_“No, I got things to settle,” Jae laughed._

_“Go get him, Jae-hyung.”_

_“Thanks, Piri.”_

 

 

…

 

 

The journey back to their room was agonising. Jae was trying his very best to avoid Brian. He was being awfully obvious about it, and the others decided not to comment about it. Jae was so grateful for that. He was still panicking about his sudden confession earlier and it was driving him insane. Jae didn’t know what he should do next. Should he just casually talk about it with Brian when they’re alone? Or should he pull the usual Park Jaehyung’s move?

 

He looked up at bright morning sky as they walked towards their respective dorms. He sighed loudly.

 

“Something bothering you?” Brian asked suddenly, pulling Jae out from his thoughts. Jae turned his head to Brian. Jae opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out of it. He gulped before shaking his head, ending their short conversation there. They continued walking in silence again.

 

After a while, they’d reached their room. Both of them stood frozen, none of them bothered to unlock the door nor speak anything. Jae’s eyes trained to the writings on the door.

 

_Kang Younghyun | Park Jaehyung_

_Room 231_

 

Jae repeated the names inside his head, chanting like it was a mantra to keep him sane. It was always the two of them. Jae and Brian, always. It was always the two of them up to weird shenanigans. Jae with his quirks and Brian with his. They complete each other. They're just--deep inside his mind Jae had been pushing this thought away, buried deep inside, but it had slowly come to light--made for one another.

 

“Jae.”

 

Jae titled his head to look at Brian, watching the younger furrowed his brows. Jae knew from that expression, he wanted to say about that thing earlier. His confession. Jae's breath hitched when Brian turned to him. Jae had miscalculated the distance between them causing Brian's face to be a lot closer to his. Jae gulped, unmoving from his spot. He couldn’t move. It was like Brian’s eyes had made his feet frozen solid--like he had him under his spell.

 

“I really want to talk about that, you know,” Brian said, emphasising on ‘that’ and Jae nodded. “But, if you aren’t ready, we will not talk about it now.”

 

Jae looked into his eyes, searching for something inside. Why is he being so considerate? Then, Sungjin’s words rang inside his mind.

 

_He might not the kindest person, but I know that he won’t do that to you._

Jae closed his eyes, gathering all the courage and bravado that he will need. He will not do that to you, Jae held onto that words, trusting Brian, trusting himself. He will take that leap of faith. He can do this, Jae opened his eyes, pulling a small smile.

 

“We’ll talk.”

 

 

…

 

 

Jae had his most comfortable sweater on. They had decided to clean and took a bath first before the talk. _The talk_. Jae laughed, it sounded so serious. He sat on his bed, waiting for Brian to finish while he played with the hem of his sweater. What should he say first? What will Brian say first? Jae thought about various ways to start the talk, various game plans, running a lot of simulations in his head but he still felt like it was not good enough. He sighed. Then, his eyes fell on the guitar's case. It had been a while since he and Brian had their usual session. Jae smiled sadly at the thought.

 

He went to pick up the guitar before sitting on Brian’s bed. He adjusted the guitar on his lap before plucking familiar chords. Something he had made--Jae had accidentally realised, a long time ago--a melody that he will play whenever he started to think about Brian. His fingers will automatically play those chords. It was short, sweet and it conveyed everything that he feels for that fox-eyed man.

 

Jae didn’t realise when Brian had come back, as he was engrossed in the melody. The next thing he knew, he felt the bed dipped on his right side, and then Brian’s scent invaded his sense. Jae stopped playing the guitar, his hand hanging frozen there. He had agreed to do this and he won’t be a coward and ran again. He needs to do this. Brian won't do that to him. He chanted that phrase again to hold his resolve grounded. Jae sighed as he turned his head to look at Brian. All thoughts, the things that he had planned to say first flew right out the window when his eyes met Brian’s. Brian had been watching him the whole time, studying his every move and just waiting for Jae to look at him.

 

Brian smiled before he picked the guitar from Jae’s grasp, setting it aside. He then adjusted himself on the bed, pulling Jae along so they were facing each other. He won’t be able to escape, Jae thought as he noted his position. Brian had Jae caged between his desk and Brian himself. His heart was beating so hard, Jae thought that the sound was filling the whole room, audible to them both.

 

You can do this, Jae. He took a deep breath.

 

“Jae,” Jae looked at him, feeling his body becoming tenser each second. “I...about what you’d said, earlier,” Brian bit his lower lips as Jae waited. The air was so thick that Jae felt he couldn’t breathe properly. This is it, he is going to die. Jae clenched his fist. “I--I didn’t hear it wrong, right?”

 

Jae blinked. Wrong? How could he possibly hear him wrong? Is that even possible? They stared at each other. Was Brian trying to get him utter those words again? Jae looked down, fidgeting with his fingers. Or, what if he had heard him wrong? Jae pursed his lips. What should he reply? What should he say right now? He was thinking of ways to steer the conversation, towards any direction. The silence was killing him and he wanted to get this over soon. Can he still hope for a happily ever after for them?

 

“Brian,” he said, praying that his voice wouldn’t stammer. “I--”

 

“Jae,” Jae looked up, finding Brian smiling softly at him. He was smiling like--Jae paused, fearing for his thoughts--like a man who was looking at his precious. Jae gulped when Brian had taken a hold on his hands. Jae stared at their intertwined hands. He was afraid of his thoughts, afraid to acknowledge the assumptions forming on his mind.

 

It will kill him if he is wrong.

 

“Jae,” Brian said his name again. His voice hoarse, whispering his name like a prayer. Jae felt Brian tightening his hold on his hand. Their eyes watched each other. “Jae,” he said again, this time softer, sweeter and Jae was losing hold on his anchor.

 

“Wait. Let me breathe first,” he said. Brian widened his eyes, shocked at the sudden interruption as he laughed. Jae ignored him and focusing on breathing. In and out, in and out.

 

In and--

 

“I like you, Jae,” Brian said suddenly.

 

\--out.

 

They stared at each other. Brian was smiling widely at him. The room went silent for a while, with only the sound of the clock ticking resonated.

 

“Bri, I--” Jae looked at him, didn’t know how to respond back. It seemed like his confusion was clear as the day when Brian let go of his hand to cup his cheek. He softly grazed his thumb on the skin.

 

“Jae, it’s okay if you’re not ready. I’ll wait for you,” he said. Brian then grasped his hand, squeezing it for assurance. “But, I’m not letting you run away from me again.”

 

Jae smiled, looking at their linked hands once more. “I’m sorry, Bri. For running away, for pushing you away and,” he paused, taking a deep breath before he stared back at Brian. "I'm sorry for everything."

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

“I...just hear me out.”

 

Brian nodded, letting their hands fall on his laps as he watched the blond trying to word his thoughts.

 

“I--I can’t handle my emotions, my actions when my feelings are overflowing. I can't control my feelings, Brian." He took a glanced at the black-haired man, "I know, I was trying to handle it all myself, but I really thought that it was for the best. I thought that, hoped that it will subside or die, sooner or later if I try to ignore it. I don't want to destroy our friendship. It will kill me if I lose your friendship. I thought I will be okay soon, we'll go back to being Brian and Jae," he sighed, pausing for a moment. Brian squeezed his hand again, offering him a smile. "I kept my feelings for you in check for so, _so_ long, no one knew, even you didn't notice. I thought I was satisfied with having your friendship. But when, suddenly, you came back and you said you like Jihye...everything starts crumbling down. My fortress, the barrier gone, just like that. Everything started to pour out and I can’t control it.  I don’t even know why,” Jae groaned loudly, “your dating history didn't bother me before, and you're someone who changed his partner like someone who changed his clothes.”

 

Jae took in a deep breath before looking at Brian directly in the eyes. “Or maybe because you let her touch your guitar,” Jae smiled sadly. “You never let anyone touch your guitar,” he said in a low voice. They were silent for a while, taking everything that Jae had said into heed. Jae held up his hand, when he saw Brian was about to speak, signalling to him he wasn’t quite finished yet. Jae closed his eyes, taking his time before he breathed in deeply and then opened his eyes as he exhaled, gazing fondly at Brian.

 

“I like you...or loves you, either way or both, what’s the difference really,” he smiled.

 

“Jae,” Brian said again, delicately to him as he shuffled closer to Jae. His hands running to cup Jae’s face, both sides, and forcing their eyes to meet each other. Brian said his name again –in hushed silence, like a prayer, as he pulled the older into his arms, finally closing the gap between them. Brian inhaled his scent, as Jae tensed for a bit before he relaxed into his touch. Brian moved to sit beside Jae on his bed before he pulled Jae closer. Brian wanted to erase all the space between them, wanting to feel Jae in his embrace. Jae was assuring himself that he was now, in Brian's arms. He wasn't dreaming. It wasn't a dream anymore.

 

Both of them stayed silent, basking in the comfort, the stillness and the feel of each other close. It was comforting, as always, being in Brian's arms that Jae hadn't realised when he slipped away.

 

 

…

 

 

Jae woke up from his sleep when he felt the harsh sun's rays hitting his closed eyes. He squinted his eyes, turning his head to peer at the windows. The warmth from Brian’s hug in his dream felt real. He mused before closing his eyes again. Jae snuggled into the warmth as he reeled in the comfortable heat engulfing him. Did he buy a new blanket? Why is it so comfortable?

 

He snapped out from his thoughts when his fingertips brushed the hard plane of a human’s body.

 

Jae squinted open his eyes, only to be greeted with the painfully beautiful vista. _Brian_. His soft, quiet breathing was the only sound filling the room. His face was looking so serene while sleeping. Was he still dreaming? He asked again when he felt Brian’s right hand firmly pressed on the small of his back, and Brian’s other hand was used by him as his pillow. In his daze, Jae moved his hand to touch the sharp line of Brian’s nose. He traced them, slowly and lightly as possible, as he didn’t want to wake up the latter. At that exact moment, Brian tightened his grip around Jae, pulling the stunned blond closer.

 

“Bribri? Are you awake?” Jae looked at Brian’s still closed eyes, and Brian hummed in reply. Brian snuggled closer and burried his head on Jae's chest. Jae could felt Brian's warm breath on his skin. 

 

Jae reiterated the events of this early morning, of Brian’s ‘I like you’ and his confession. He looked at the Brian again, who was currently staring back at him with a huge smile on his face. Brian just observed at him, as Jae blinked copiously. _Blink, blink, blink_.

 

“I adore this habit of yours. It’s cute,” his morning voice, deep and raspy, always did a number to Jae. Brian grinned brightly.

 

“Brian, please.” “Oh, now we’re back to Brian.”

 

Jae narrowed his eyes at him as Brian continued on laughing. Jae huffed as he stirred around, trying to escape from Brian.

 

“Whoa, okay,” Brian resigned as he held Jae more firmly, stopping any of his resistance, halting Jae's movement. Jae’s chances for escape, now gone. “Okay.”

 

“Can I at least have my dignity back?” Jae looked at the state they were in, legs intertwining, bodies flushed together and personal space non-existent. Brian only laughed in reply.

 

“I think I’m good,” Brian smiled--the sun’s rays made his eyes twinkled. Gosh, he looked so ethereal. Jae frowned.

 

“You are annoying,” Jae said. Brian hummed back as he pinched Jae’s cheek in adoration.

 

"That wasn't what you said this morning," Jae froze as Brian's smile got bigger. Jae's cheeks had gone red, scarlet and his mind, blank. Brian moved closer, his breath hovering around Jae’s ear and it was sending shivers down his spine. "Should I repeat it?" his deep, rough, morning voice whispered beside his ear.

 

"Brian," Jae stared down at his hand on Brian's chest –pushing him as far as he could, as far as his strength could muster. He looked up to meet Brian at his eyes. He tried to put on a serious front but failed as Brian burst into laughter. "Kang Younghyun!”

 

“Yes. Good morning,” Jae raised one of his eyebrows, looking unamused.

 

“What time is it now? Did we doze off for that long?” he asked when Brian suddenly leaned in and kissed Jae lightly on the lips.

 

“What?” He kissed him again, “Bri--” and again, “wait--” and another kiss.

 

Jae placed a hand over his lips, his eyes wide, staring back at Brian. Jae shook his head, asking Brian to stop his attacks. But, Brian only smiled teasingly at him. He leaned in again and kissed the hand that was covering Jae's lips. He widened his eyes, shocked. Jae then moved his hand, which was used to cover his lips earlier, quickly to Brian’s--in an attempt to salvage whatever coherency his mind had left. He hoped that it would be enough to put a halt on the kissing monster.

 

The proximity they were in wasn’t helping Jae calmed his erratic heart. Brian still had his hands circling his waist. They definitely had made it worse. Far, _far_ worse. Brian’s eyes formed a crescent as Jae stared into his eyes again.

 

“Bri, we need to make things clear.”

 

“Mmmm,” Jae removed his hand from Brian's lips. “Wasn’t it clear enough?”

 

“Brian,” Jae shot a disapproving glare at him.

 

“Okay. I was, to quote Sungjin, stupid,” Jae snorted, nodding as he agreed with Sungjin. Brian pinched his cheek, smiling as he looked at the laughing Park Jaehyung. He was really, really far gone for this man, Jae thought. Everything he does make his heart fluttered madly.

 

“Okay. Since you, Park Jaehyung, are avoiding me like crazy these past few months, it really did a number to me, it was frustrating and confusing as hell and then, you dropped the bomb, Canada thing. Leaving and stuffs.”

 

Jae hummed, his eyes never leaving Brian.

 

“I was confused. About Jihye and...you. I thought I like her, well I did like her before I realised my true feelings. I guess you avoiding me did make me opened my eyes. It still hurts you know, when your supposed-to-be best friend suddenly ghosted on you, without any explanations.”

 

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Jae laughed. It was hilarious hearing the sulky tone coming out from Brian.

 

Brian smiled softly at him. “Then, at the mountain, you’d told me you like me, before those three brats came interrupting everything,” both of them grinned, watching each other tenderly. Brian stroked Jae's cheek, rubbing it gently. "I felt like I was dreaming, and I just...I wanted to kiss you right there and," he smiled sheepishly at Jae, scrunching his nose. "I know, that's why I tried to act like it was nothing and waited till we were alone, and then I just did what I felt right.”

 

Jae didn’t know how to react. He just stared at Brian, a fond smile pasted on his face as he heard the explanation from Brian. After a few moments of silence, Jae kissed him lightly on the lips. Jae held onto Brian closer as the kiss progressed. A series of light kisses turned to a full deep kiss.

 

As soon Brian's hands fell away from Jae's face, Jae shot his hand into the raven hair, running his fingers through them. He pulled Brian down and slid forward, tilting his head at the last second before closing his eyes.

 

Brian pulled him into a slow, deep kiss that sent shivers rolling down his spine. He then flipped their position. Brian’s rough, calloused fingers dug into the soft skin at his hips. Jae let a surprised moan slipped between his lips when Brian’s wet, silky tongue brushed into his mouth. Desire built up between them as Jae pressed up, his body sliding slowly on Brian’s. Brian’s hands fell to the backs of Jae’s upper thighs and he squeezed the taut flesh there, swallowing his gasps and moans. He tried not to get lost in the sea of passion--barely through the onslaught of passionate desire--but Jae's sweet, soft lips were enough to break his anchor.

 

Thoroughly, Brian's tongue invaded Jae as his tongue devoured him in long, deep swivels and thrusts. Brian drank from him until there was nothing left.

 

Their lips parted with a wet sound. Brian hovered above Jae while he took a moment to let his eyes drown in the image below him like a starved man--of Jae flushed under him, chest rising up and down and their breath heaving at the breathlessness of their kiss. They rested their forehead on top of each other, both sets of eyes watching intently. Jae smiled at him before kissing Brian lightly on the lips.

 

“I can’t believe it took us this long to get here,” Brian laughed, eyes filled with adoration for the man in front of him.

 

“We both are an idiot,” Jae beamed, cheeks flushed as Brian grinned back at him. Jae cupped his cheek, grazing his thumb softly, “but, I won’t have it any other way.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, lemme know your thoughts, comments and kudos if you like it <33333  
> Thank you for reading :D
> 
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/miocean)


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